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Great Depression (fck summertime sadness)

It's been a long time since I've breathed fresh air and pooped like a king. Due to the Corona Virus epidemic, I was sitting in a hollow tree with woodpeckers with a cork from shitty Georgian wine, which I stuffed into my anus according to Copperfield's instructions, so as not to get infected with the virus. Just yesterday, I got out of the hollow covered in bird shit, feathers, in wet pants and asked myself - where am I? Thank God that a tree stood at the entrance to my house, I found the way to the entrance and went through the door. A moment later, I felt an itch in my anus and remembered that there was a wine cork. I wanted to pull it out, but I didn't know how. Calling the emergency service was not an option, because the fire brigade would have arrived to my house and rip my ass off with pneumatic forceps. I decided to go to the pharmacy and buy a laxative, while I was going to the pharmacy - stuck cork restricted my movements and I looked like an Isuzu SUV that hit a mine. I had a sudden urge to relax and smoke opium to relieve my burden as a cork keeper. When I got to the pharmacy, I saw that a strange man was lying at the entrance, completely passed out, he had feathers on his head and urine was flowing out of his pants, which created a puddle and flowed down the street. When I went to the pharmacy, I saw a bald bumpkin running out of it with a Tampax package in his hand.This dude jumped up the road and did not notice the open hatch and fell into it. I immediately remembered that long time ago I finished reading a book about speleologists and also decided to go down into this hatch in order to conduct research on the topic "Is it possible to hold out underground with a tampax package for one month'". While I was preparing to descend, some rabbi passed by, and I asked him to take off his underpants and stand as a traffic controller, so that cars would go around the hatch.It was a manhole and I saw a ladder that could be used to get down and I carefully went down. I didn't find this bumpkin, apparently he was floated away with shit downstream trough the sewers into collector, but I found a package of Tampax, I took it and went up. Poor but brave rabbi was still standing without underpants in the middle of the road, I called the police and said that a pervert walks around the city and scares people, that's clear, right? After which I went back to the pharmacy. So I entered the pharmacy, I went over to the counter and asked the woman pharmacist for a kilogram of nails and some screws, but all off a sudden the Varta battery fell out from her mouth and hit the floor. I picked up the battery and put it in my pocket, realizing that they won't help me here - I went to a liquor store to buy a corkscrew to use a life hack to pull cork out of the depths of my cave, which has not yet been explored by spelelologisst. I like to feed petit chickens and to delight myself. When I entered the liquor store, I saw a billiard table on which two asians in cowboy hats were banging each other in the ass with a harpoon right on the table. In case you haven't noticed, I've had a lot on my mind and I got up to the counter and panicked. At the counter stood some weird asshole in a closed-glass motorcycle helmet with dumbbells in his hands and no pants. I picked his pants up off of the floor, put it in my bag to plant them at home in the plant pot in the corner. I used to grow beans in pots, but now I grow random pants. I knocked the cyborg on the helmet with a hammer, since I carry it in my pocket for self-defense, but there was no reaction, I realized that he died of stress looking at the Asians, he stands straight like the Colossus of Rhodes, as if he stuck to the shit of a mammoth and cannot fall down the floor, A little more and he will fall and roll like a bowling ball into the hole for slops. I haven't had time to think about it And then all of the sudden I remembered that I have a cork in the inner pocket of my jacket,  I carry it with me for self-defense. I remembered it so abruptly,so abruptly, like a cop with diarrhea who's being threatened with death by two niggers and he's got a donuts in his holster instead of a gun. I ran to the toilet and when I ran up, I found that there was no door in the toilet. I turned my phone back on and opened up the Aliexpress website and got acquainted with the prices on the doors, but I wasn't doing very well. There was neon lighting in the toilet and some weird man was kneeling with his head stuck in the urinal, a damn drug addict, but I had no time for him. I ran into the toilet stall, undressed, took out a corkscrew and tucked it neatly into something. I didn't think that that fucked up idea was a good for me and then I suddenly heard that someone from the next toilet stall was asking me for a dose of heroin. I hated it when people only hit me up when they needed drugs. I got out of my stalland broke into the booth from where there was a voice for help. There was a bald guy sitting on a toilet bawl, and I took off his pants and went back to my stall. In the pockets of his pants, I found vaseline, which I used, the cork came out like a little train. Scary thing ,is that I felt relieved and I was able to fly through the air ,but fell on the floor like a bag with potato. When I was about to leave the toilet, I discovered that there was a video surveillance camera mounted on the ceiling. I got scared that all my actions were recorded and I'm busted. I came out of the toilet, I came out of this sadomized place and saw some strange man in a cowboy hat, lying upside down in a puddle of urine. Then I remembered another man lying on the ground near by the pharmacy and realized that these two torn condoms are somehow connected. A week later, I found out that in the toilet where I've used vaseline - there was not a surveillance camera but a smoke detector, I smoked Don Jose's cigar there with the Asians. I'm so full of luck, it's shooting out like luck diarrhea. It's my lucky day.

 

Over the decades of this site's existence, it has firmly established itself in the niche of thrash, drunken romp, sodomy, frenzy and similar portals. For me - this is an invaluable experience, I learned a little English and began to write the word "penis" not with the letter A but with the letter e. Yes, I will not hide the fact that I masturbated a little, when I was looking at random photos of the fans that they sent me. When I first got a photo of an old mexican dude, I used to look at a photo from my past, compared both photos, and I realized that I would rather masurbate on myself. And as I looked at the photo of my fans, I noticed a lot of strange things and realized that most of my fans are wheelchair users and old people from retirement homes. Thank you so much for coming, your support, everyone, and thank you for always cheering me on at all my fights. If you read the site carefully, you might have noticed that I was dealing potatoes in all its forms: naked, dressed, blue and pink, and because of the influence of capitalism on bill Clinton's ass, a rubber dummy of which is produced at factories in Taiwan - I sold it for money. Well, if you're such a pizza connoisseur, there's a really great place in Italian Harlem. Oh I'm so sorry, I mean, if you are an expert and like to thoroughly study the collection of aphorisms from Moses, which this site is -  you might have noticed that I was dealin various strange tings: camel raisins, boxes of matches, stockings, pictures of electric scooters and others. If you need some,just let me know I can push you a product of the highest quality. Age of eight I was selling scrap from a barrow. A few years ago, actually, I was doing a drop in Boston. In all my time dealing, I never got shot. I traded with the Chinese three years ago, I sold them camel raisins. To raise my income I worked as a gigolo in a disco club for those over 60, I never thought I'd sleep with anyone over 40. I was selling my body just to survive. My dear snails, didn't your parents teach you not to believe different strangers? Don't trust the men with black mustaches who ask you to get into their Chevrolet pickup truck for candy, but you can trust me. Obviously, isn't it? Yes, I was engaged in different business, a couple of years ago I opened a joke store, but a week later I went bankrupt. The fact is that I had a defective product, but I did not know about it. I bought a container of gag toys from Taiwan and opened a shop. Snails, you know what a joke shop is, right? For example, there is a glass and there is vodka in it, but there is no way to pour out vodka, since there is an invisible gasket in the glass, which does not allow liquid to pour out of the glass. You take this glass and approach a passerby and shake the glass in his face. The passer-by does not know that there is an invisible gasket and vodka will not pour out on him. A passer-by thinks that vodka will splash out of a glass on him and gets hung up from fear like a worm on a frying pan. Or there is another gag toy - fake rubber tits. Just put them on yourself, you can wear them over your clothes and go up to the bouncer at the strip club and ask him to run his tongue over your Tits. I did this once, went up to the big guy and said - I don't want to get sideways with you you're as big as a barn! Lick my boobs stupid bag of shit! This dumbass ripped off my fake boobs and forced me dance for cowboys at the pole all night. After that stormy night, I went back to my store and saw only ashes instead of the store. It turns out that some robbers illegally entered the store at night and started joking. They put fake rubber boobs on each other, started making jokes and started setting off firecrackers, the rubber boobs ignited and they burned up along with all my stuff. I was glad that there was no need to pay taxes anymore and went to ride the carousel. After I went for a ride on the carousels I went for a pony ride because the carousels didn't work. During my pony ride, some pale dude ran up to me, introduced himself as a postman and handed me an envelope. I was so happy that inside there would be raspberry-flavored condoms and weed, but there was a letter from a collection agency. That's where I became intrigued. I decided not to open the envelope since there could be a biological weapon in the form of powder inside and I decided that someone else would open the envelope. I looked back and saw a street musician singing an opera to the beat of The Notorious B.I.G. So I walk up to him and put my envelope in the donation hat and walked aside. The hat was empty, there was not even a coin in it, street singer must've stashed his money in Choko Beaver's biscuit tin. Our singer saw that I put the envelope in the donation hat, he stopped singing like Eros Ramazzotti, went to the hat and took the envelope. The greedy fag must have thought there was money in the envelope. Lucky singer took the envelope, opened it and fell like a potato, as if from a fever to the ground. I took off his pants, took an envelope, grabbed his hat and ran away. On the way home, I stopped by a spruce tree to pick up some cones I stuffed a whole pocket of cones and ran on. To tell the truth, I put cones into exhaust pipes of random cars, so that the exhaust would not pollute air and because of that to prevent glaciers melting. Last time I came across a wonderful car - Porsche Spider, I put cones into the exhaust pipe according to the scheme and left a note with the address of Santa Claus in Lapland.  Let all claims be presented to him. So, I had an envelope with a letter addressed to me personally, I was so intrigued that I really wanted to poop, but decided to endure the storm as a knight of Queen Elizabeth, sat down under a spruce tree and opened it. The letter was from a collection agency and for a second, I was so confused with the content and subject of the letter. From the envelope came heavy, burning smell of an old cunt and reeked of George W. Bush's ashes. The letter contained a claim from the collection agency to me that I should pay the penalties that had accumulated over many years. The plaintiff was an office that provides phone sex services, and I remembered something. The fact is that in 1999, as a teenager, I dialed a number that provides sex services over the phone and talked with the phone whore for two hours about passing the Diablo 1 pc game, but suddenly my grandmother came into the room and the connection was interrupted My granny sat down at the computer and went through Diablo in two hours and then told me not to call her again. The letter indicated the amount that I must pay for telephone services, there is about 90 thousand dollars. How did I know that dad would not pay for that call. While I am writing this article, I have already received two calls from the collection agency and in the voice of Freddy Krueger they told me to better pay the entire debt, otherwise they will rape the satellite dish on the roof of my house. Let me turn to you, dear readers! I want to raise $ 30,000 to hire a gang of monkeys, that will destroy the collection Agency and put a grenade into the pants of their boss. This is an unprecedented campaign, I hope you will understand me and help dear snails
You can donate money to the campaign in the left column of this site, there is also information at the top of the page, please read it. These are not the bank accounts of corrupt janitors, but the accounts of the Saint Potato Foundation. Thank you in advance. Yes, I almost forgot - you can buy something from me and it will help too.

 

Not so long ago, I discovered a great hobby for myself - smearing lips with strawberry jam and going shopping in search of slippers. I need slippers to snuck them into the exhaust pipes of cars. This is a protest action against poachers, who kill pandas and sell their fur to Bill Gates. Once I smeared my lips with strawberry jam and broke in to a bar where members of the Hell's Angels motorcycle club always hang out. We all together smeared our lips with strawberry jam and then rode motorcycles, I crashed into the lamp post and almost died. Did I ever tell you that I really love going to the circus? My favorite circus is the one from Harlem. There are black clowns, but their nose is red according to all the canons of circus art. My favorite clown is the McDonald's clown. I hope that his head will be bashed in one of these days and take away his clothes, because he is not very funny. The clown should be funny, at the performance he should show everyone his genitals to make everyone happy. He should sit on a broom in the literal sense, stink of shit, walk around in piss-soaked pants, juggle dried pieces of shit and make the audience laugh in every possible way. Once a wandering circus came to our city. I smeared my lips with strawberry jam and went to the show. I just felt bad to pay 10 euros for the entrance and I climbed over the fence. I was not interested in any attractions, the only thing I visited - was the fear room. As soon as I entered it, the siren began to rustle and I ran back out into the street with wet pants to wave down to help with out looking back, it's so good that I didn't pay 10 euros for the entrance. I came to my senses and went to a huge tent - there was a performance of clowns in the arena and I hurried there. I went inside and took a seat closer to the arena. I got popped with six extasy pills to make it more comfortable to watch the clowns. Suddenly the crowd was subdued and the lights went out in the arena, it was completely dark and out of the blue, I heard a sound of brutal farting. None of the audience understood nothing but they all laughed. A second later someone shouted Allahu Akbar, the audience did not understand anything but everyone was laughing. Five seconds later, the entire arena heard the sound of the toilet flushing, the audience did not understand what was happening, but everyone laughed. Suddenly the light turned on and I saw a naked stranger in the arena, who was reading a newspaper on a stool. A moment later two people in hot dog suits ran out, twisted him and led him out of the arena. The audience did not understand anything but everyone laughed. After that, the music started playing and the next artist - the magician - entered the arena. He took with him a long box on wheels and began to look for a volunteer from the audience to show the whole public the trick. An elderly Asian woman appeared in the role of a volunteer. The trick was as follows: someone climbs into a long box and lies down in it, after which the magician takes a saw and saws the box into three parts. You probably know this trick!  After sawing the box, the illusion appears that the person was cut into three parts, since the box is divided into three parts, everything is fine, after which the box is reconnected and the person climbs out of it and James Cameron is amazed that he did not use such special effects in his films. In general, an elderly Asian woman climbed into the long box of the magician and lay down there, after which the magician closed the box and took his chainsaw in his hands. The dude started the chainsaw and began to saw the box, but not into three parts, but like a long sausage into ten parts. When the distribution of wood and wood products wasfinished, two people in hot dog suits came out, twisted the magician, and hauled the box backstage. The audience did not understand anything but everyone laughed. Suddenly, under the dome of the circus, the light went out and someone shouted out of the darkness - "help, they try to rape me." The audience didn't understand anything and everyone laughed. A moment later, the light turned on and I saw a cage in the arena, in which a tiger was sitting, and two clowns and a man with a whip, apparently an animal trainer, were coming out of the backstage.One of the clowns went up the cage and started teasing the tiger, and the second clown went to the first clown and started pissing on him.The clown who was teasing the tiger took out a piece of chicken leg from his pocket and held out his hand with the chicken in the cage to the tiger. The second clown walked up to the cage and stuck his penis through the cage and started humming loudly a tune from the Matrix movie. Suddenly, the lights went out in the arena and someone's screams were heard, the light turned on and I saw that the tiger had bitten off the hand of the clown, which was trying to feed him like a local benefactor. The animal trainer ran into the cage to calm the angry tiger, took part of the clown's hand and threw it to the audience. The audience did not understand anything but everyone laughed. The animal trainer failed to subdue the tiger and the ferocious creature bit him on the knee and ran out through the open cage doors. Meanwhile, the second clown, as if nothing had happened, stood by the cage with his pants down and hummed a melody from The Matrix movie. An enraged tiger started running around the arena and the circus started panicking and suddenly I saw the tiger pounce on the nigger who was sitting closer to the arena, the nigger pretended to be dead and the tiger ran on. The aggressive creature then attacked the woman in the burqa and ate her completely. Suddenly, under the dome of the circus, music began to play and the announcer made an announcement - this is a drill, everyone stay in their seats. I went down through the crowd of spectators closer to the arena and saw that the clown throws a grenade into the crowd of people. everyone sat down in their places. The audience did not understand anything, but everyone laughed. Since then I don't go to the circus,I go to the puppet theater and sit in the last row next to the exit. And as for the circus, everything was roughly the same, but instead of a tiger, a beaver ran out of the cage with a Shaheed belt. You know, my dear snails, you help me a lot, it's obvious. You come here to me and help me, I can't explain it, it's obvious. I bring good to people, I bring ololo to people. Sorry if i hurt someone, sory for being rude and for the rudeness that can often be found in my text.

 

Times change, but not Bill Clinton's ripped pants which Boris Yeltsin wears as a talisman in hell. I still advise you to try smearing your lips with strawberry jam and go to a club where neo-Nazis hang out and introduce yourself as king David. Once I smeared my lips with sea buckthorn jam and went to the synagogue, and then went out and got on the tram. I was late for a concert of the Ramstein band and the tram driver was driving slowly, it felt like he was pissing under himself, felt the joy and was in no hurry. I politely knocked on the cab door and said I would pour a pot of boiling water over his head if he didn't go faster, he was seriously scared, ran out of the cab and jumped out of the tram. I sat down at the tram control panel and at that moment I really wanted to smear raspberry jam on my lips, which I did. A moment later, I was stopped by border control as I tried to cross the Mexican border. I didn't have any identification with me, and I only had a picture of Mother Teresa in my jacket pocket, just in case, if I want to jerk off. I explained to the border guards that I was taking Jews from the brutal captivity of the Egyptian Pharaoh to Afghanistan to help me grow red poppies. I was detained and released on bail and only yesterday I returned home, thank God I didn't catch coronavirus in a boat with illegal immigrants that crossed the Atlantic ocean. I can’t talk for a long time, as I have an electronic bracelet on my leg and I’m being monitored around the clock. Now I am looking for a welding machine in my barn to remove the bracelet from my leg. I'm thinking of throwing the bracelet in McDonald's trash bin, let the punishment services think that I'm in the trash bin. My dear people, please do not forget about the donation campaign that I mentioned in this article (Sex on the phone, 1999). I still want to release an unprecedented video, never seen before, but I can’t record it yet, because my grandmother sleeps in my room and snores terribly. I need your help. Do good, it will not be forgotten.

P.S. In the near future I will update the game on the site (if you read it carefully and you are a loyal fan, then you know what I'm talking about hehe).
Technology is moving forward and people need spectacle and entertainment.

Thank you! Follow up the news!

 
 
 
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