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Guatemalan whorehouse

To survive the harsh European winter, I went to work in Guatemala, and to relax at the same time. I'm really tired of already walking in a fur coat and lying in the hospital with a concussion, due to the fact that the public utilities did not properly clean off the snow on the roof of houses and damned blocks of ice fall on people, drop out of the sky. Mr. Incredible and the bomb both fall onto a rooftop, where the bomb detonates harmlessly as Bomb Voyage appears in a helicopter, but thank God the yellow snow season is over. I know that your house has burned down and now you are sitting in a tank, hide from the Corona Virus and want to poop. Now you hide like a scared deer. Many people probably didn't understand me, what I meant by the word "yellow snow". This concept came from mother Russia, when drunken junkies piss on the snowdrift, then the snow becomes yellow, because the patient's urine is yellow. It's a well-known fact, urine stops a jellyfish sting hurting so much. That's why a lot of people call such a quirky things "yellow colored" snow. Okay, simpleton? A friend of mine, who likes to play golf and eliminate snails with a golf club offered me a job as a security guard in a Guatemalan brothel. Jayna and I will take the other half and get the golf clubs and violin. In order to earn power, money, and fame, I agreed. I arrived in Guatemala on a rubber boat as a refugee from Syria and immediately asked for political protection from the repression of Saddam Hussein and the minions of african Mormons. I was immediately thrown into jail like a potato, but two days later I was released, because my lawyer bailed me out after paying an amount of - two boxes of bananas. Well, I shared a cell with a very strange chinaman and two rabbis, who scammed chinaman for money, selling him a Torah wrapped in rags, but instead of the Torah there were Mickey Mouse comics. Chinaman, who earlier denied involvement, was pecking a calculator like a woodpecker to compute the amount of money they will charge on the cocoa to be smuggled. So he noticed tricks of gypsies, they were dressed as greedy rabbis and were obsessed by cheap, meaningless thrills, lechery, gluttony and up on cash. Chinaman took off the hat of the disgusting gypsy, dressed as a rabbi and pissed into it and they were all tied up by the police, because law enforcement officers thought, that these people were holding an uncontrollable rally in support of gays. God saved El Chapo, and God should be praised for that mercy. As soon as I reached the capital of Guatemala, I went to the house that my friend mentioned, he plays golf.

The brothel was a basement on the outskirts of the city. Three rooms in the basement were separated by curtains. Each had two or three seats. This can be opened if you have a small amount of money and familiar cops - you can open a brothel, quickly build up capital and go into another business. This brothel was promoted due to the fact, that an old students were advertising sheets around the district. The mistress of the brothel was an old womana, who used to work as a cook on an atomic icebreaker. She knew all cops in the district, so I think her past connections worked here very well. I knew the cop, who went for the dough. The entire police department, and even ordinary people in the district, knew that there was a brothel in this place. Sometimes cops themselves came as clients. They were served by girls free of charge. I heard that the cops were paid about $ 50,000 a month for patronage, but how true is this, I don't know. At work, I did absolutely nothing, only met and escorted guests. It was hard to read books there - screams, moans, loud music. The most ideal is to play Tetris and sit in social networks. In order not to be bored, my colleague and I brought gym equipment. We found a sports equipment store that was closing, and bought sports equipment there. We had a barbell, horizontal bar, bars, dumbbells, weights. I ate, slept, rocked, and hung out on my phone. Conflicts with clients were resolved in words or with the help of guns. You could get a gun and politely ask the person to leave. Sometimes there was enough to use a gas spray. The main clientele in the consolation house is - workers, sometimes different politicians came. Also niggaz, arabs, russians, chinese, and latinos came over here. After the client is admitted, they are placed on the church guest bench. Free girls come out - this is called a show. He chooses. He takes the girl he likes and takes her to the room. Starting price is 500 dollars. For this price, client receives a blowjob, two contacts and a relaxing massage. Anal sex is for an extra charge. Prostitutes are different - asian, black, russian. Also different configuration - fat and skinny. One employee of our institution did not have a left leg, but for some reason she was in great demand. She was a good swimmer in her young days. By the way, sex-employeers bought condoms at their own expense and generally banged only in them. This is a prerequisite. Clients sometimes tried to remove the elastic band, but then, I or an administrator interfered with the situation and scolded him, often I used force and threw the naked client out of the brothel. Interestingly, but arab women are not taken into this business. There are a lot of people among the arabs, who don't like the fact that arab women are engaged in prostitution. They can come to a brothel, cause a riot, cause physical harm to someone, take an arab woman to the forest and kill her there. All the girls go to the brothel voluntarily. Now it is not profitable to kidnap and force anyone. This is a particularly serious article, and why force someone if there are people willing to voluntarily engage in prostitution?

Once, in our comfort house of consolations was an armed assault by fucked-up thugs. Regular clients came. Two rang the bell, three hid around the corner. I wasn't there then, there was my colleague Hans. He saw familiar people through the peephole, thought that everything was normal and opened the door. He was immediately kicked off his feet and rolled down the stairs. Those who hid took off. They had baseball bats. One of them has a pneumatic gun. They beat the shift guy, dragged him into a brothel, and started beating everyone there. A tablet and money were taken from the shift. They robbed black women, turned over the entire brothel. They took the cash register. The administrator hid in the toilet, but the door was knocked out, she was pulled out of the toilet and raped in addition. Hans the guard was also wanted to be raped. After that, a policeman entered the brothel. He came not because of an armed assault, but for his dough share.They saw him, drove him away, and when they caught up with him, they beat him with bats and shot from the pneumatics. They took ipad and two iphones and a gold chain. The thug raiders promised to return. They wanted to work a protection racket on their behalf. After that, I and the other guards decided to punish them. I went to a brothel and took with me a traumatic gun, a hunting rifle, knives, tear gas canisters. We decided to wait for the raiders to return. Barack Obama chews a bunch of Clinton's trimmed nails, while he cunnilingus Monica. As a result, two raiders came, and we recognized one of them. He was dressed in a jacket and torn underpants and the other was in tattered leggings and he had the stinking fumes of ebola coming out of the back hole. No, no, sorry, I got it wrong. This was the local master of sports in karate, who shoved a live eel before the competitions into the depths of his anus, for good luck. Unfortunately, the competition did not take place then, as his rival - the champion of Botswana in tango dancing thundered into the jail, because he committed an armed robbery of a pet store. He took a pack of dog food and two cans of canned food for cats as hostages. His demands were - a bag of money, a helicopter and to release all prisoners in Guantanamo prison. As a result, I began to beat one raider with a metal stock, began a fuss, my partner shot the detainees in the legs. Oh, I forgot to say, that these raiders brought a sweet roll with them. We advised the second guy, who was in tattered leggings to wait for the night and let him go. The second stayed with us. We held him hostage while shifted guys were looking for other raiders. In total, we kept them for about 20 hours. During this time, we tried to pull bullets out of their legs, but we did not succeed. The whores called their friend's doctor. But he couldn't get the bullets out either. They urged them to go to a hospital on the other side of town. The next night, we were detained by police - the one, which we let go, came to the relatives of his friend. When they found out that we were keeping him in a brothel, they leaked us to the cops. I served two months. Those, who made the armed assault are still sitting. I didn’t really like whores in a brothel, I even disdained them, but once, I ate pistachios, which one whore shared with me. Those who engage in such activities as these - are gradually degraded. They drink, they use drugs. We found syringes in the brothel. I don't think it's normal to sell your body, but I believe, that everyone has the right to do so. I understand why this whole prostitution thing is happening. I don't blame the girls. This is the fault of the surrounding reality. After a short time I returned to Europe, I did not earn much. I only had enough money for a single room in a hotel of Buchenwald.

 Thank you my dear for listening, follow up the news.

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Dirty Bobby

Hello dear readers!
We received a letter to our editorial office, calling for help. We will publish this letter (punctuation observed) here. We have hired the best psychologist from the city of Baghdad, who will give advice to this poor man in a difficult life situation.

"I have been married for a long time, I have children. My family knows nothing about how I make money. I started escorting 12 years ago when I felt dissatisfaction. There were many interesting things that I wanted to try in sex. I like to wear lingerie. I can’t show it at home. My wife is a modest, country woman. She does not need any additional options in sex, she is very correct, she never even asked me to do cunnilingus for her. We can say that she is a plus, and I am a minus, but I love her very much, and she loves me. I wanted to realize my fantasies and gradually I came to the thought of sex work. I advertise on different dating sites and saw that people were primarily interested in me as a sex partner, they wrote me daily love letters. Over time, the hobby became quite a full-time job. I'm not gay at all, I can't even call myself bi. I don’t want men at all. But I have to serve not only women, but also men, especially when a couple calls me. I can be “lower,” but not “upper,” and I warn passive gays that they have nothing to catch with me. At first I perceived sex with men as a cost of production, but I can endure it, and sometimes I even like it."

An opinion from a psychologist:

"This is a very dangerous job: either a prostitute will be killed, or a gay will be hanged. I will whip your head boy! I think you should pray to the Holy Apostles and not take any more dick in your ass. Sodomy was popular in the cities of Sodom and Gamora, but since the days when a nuclear warhead was launched there, there seemed to be a lull. You must understand that you are a fucking adulterer, which has no mercy. There is a way out of this situation - to lament and shit in the plane, open the hatch and jump out. As the great Freud said - thank you, thumbs up and the ku Klux Klan."

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Year of Confederations

I want to welcome all of you, professionals, amateurs alike, lovers of anal slavery and protectors of terror to the 12th Nobel's Open Championship! Faint of heart, please, do not read further. The story happened on the New Year holidays. The ambulance delivered a young woman to the hospital. Lying on a gurney. I notice, that she looked completely dying. After collecting the anamnesis, it becomes clear that a nuisance happened to her on New Year's holidays - after three days of festivities. Being drunk, the patient with her husband decided to diversify her sex life. To the direct questions of what exactly happened, the lady did not answer for a long time - she showed everyone the middle finger, and with undisguised shame led her eyes to the floor. When the "picture" became clear, they began to prepare this woman for surgery - they placed a peripheral catheter and started infusion therapy (infusion through a dropper of saline solution). Since the patient is young, and in order to maintain her psychological health, it was decided to give her "general" anesthesia. Soon, surgeons begin the operation: expand the anal canal with a rectal retractor, and remove from the patient’s rectum ... a stick of turkey sausage! Fortunately for our lady - this stick is wide but not very long. To be honest, I have no idea for what exactly provoked this beautiful couple to such experiments What am I, a fucking dentist? However, the fact remains - the "whip" came off, and the snack remained inside the person. The spouses could not extract it themselves and appealed to the Government for protection. The operation was successful. The patient quickly regained consciousness. A week later, she went to the emergency room of proctologists. "Thank you?" You might think, but no. She began to demand a sausage stick back - "Bring it back!". And that’s it. What does she need that sausage for? Their history is silent. I would like to greet you and thank you for visiting our site. In conclusion, allow me to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Stay in touch with us. The new season is comming, this story never ends, of course, if the Indians wont steal my slop pail with stories.

Thank you for attention, follow up the news and prepare the money!:D

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After winter coma

Dear hot mamas and pimp daddies, it's time to clean up huge amounts of shit after a hard winter, it was after last winter, durring which a combat panda, which escaped from a circus and raped an old grandpa from the Cocker's family.
The fact is that, he sat in the closet peeing into the laundry basket, because he was hiding from his wife, who loved role-playing in a BDSM costume, but old grandpa rather loved to hard core fuck vietnam war cripples from nursing home. I'm not a fan of violence, but I always love to watch videos when a nigga approaches to elderly asian women and roundhouse kicks her in the head. The services responsible were run off their feet searching for that malefactor. Once on the parking lot, this black dick decided to knock out a woman in a paranja, he approached her and she activated the belt of the martyr, and at that moment we lost the future NBA star. Actually I don't like when some cock suckers hurt women, better hammer those emo, dirty punks and lesbians. By the way, emo has disappeared for a long time, they have not been seen for a long time and in the meantime, the Gillette company has earned a lot of money for them. After all, the culture of emo is to cry and commit suicide, slit own wrists with a razor. At the beginning of the article, I began to talk about shit, and the topic slipped to the bottom, like the dollar rate. If you do not know how the dollar will react to my topic developments, then join the Taliban and build a wall on the border with Mexico. I wrote my proposal to the Washington Post newspaper to move the Great Chinese Wall to the border with Mexico in order to save money, but my proposal brutally brought down the yuan and Mao Ze Dong asked to bring him clean socks with Iron Maiden print on them. In fact, this idea was suggested to me by a friend of my grandmother's - the Emperor of Jamaica Abraham Rosenberg. The man who was just released from the mental institution, he wants to give you a drug overdose, then sick a metal rod into your head and put you naked into a rusty tank of water. Politics is a tricky business, it's hard to understand, who is a fag and who isn't. No fucking way you'll know who you are banging. Although everything is clear - Prince Charles fucks herd of sheep and spin the bottle with Elton John's husband. In one of the articles I mentioned Prince Charles, well, excuse me, Tony Blair, is his brother? Lets compare them .Tony Blair has such a facial expression, as if he had sucked Bush Jr.'s cock for 8 years, and Prince Charles's face is as if he had craped his pant two days ago and forgot about it. What kind of guy, without a drug or alcohol problem looks this way? For example, I celebrate the independence of Papua New Guinea every day and swallow drug baloons, but my look is full of expression.I wanna poke out your fucking eyes with my dick, stupid fuck. To be honest, I have nothing against these monkeys, but gentlemen, please, control your self, goddammit! Okay, let's not talk about horse dung, because look, how many good topics are on the agenda. Not so long ago, defined a prominent upward trend -  to poison all sorts of dudes with nuclear powder, in order to blame Russia and tsar Putin personally for all troubles. Know that in Russia they poison only with vodka that is what bears do it, not special services. It is first. And secondly, damn, for example, in England stores are just selling non quality yogurt, which are smuggled from Romania and people just eat this yogurt and get poisoned like cockroaches and different special services say, that this is some kind of mysterious nuclear powder. I like to drink champagne from my basset hound ass, I also like to throw darts in the portrait of Obama's ugly mug. By the way, I can offer you something that you cannot refuse - to play the game, the rules are here. I advise you to turn off porn movies with animals before this and put on a protective helmet, good luck.

The World is changing, wars are passing, aborigines are born, aborigines are dying, have you ever gone to a solarium? This topic is close to me, as I worked as an administrator in the Solarium, as well as an intimate assistant of hairdresser somewhere for two weeks. The hairdresser was an old man, about 70 years old and bunch of stinking men came to him to make a hair. Old hairdresser cut customer's feet,vegetation near their genitals and around ass. One day a certain eccentric came to the salon, introduced himself as Steven Seagal and asked to cut his hair in the area of his dick and in the same area he wanted to make a pattern in the form of the face of Bill Clinton. "Any whims for your money" said the hairdresser and began to lick own mouth. An old pervert asked me to put a gag in the client's mouth (the tank shall be closed in such a way that no leakage of gas occurs) and hold his hands so that our client wouldn't twitch and also took a dildo and then, radical pervert jumped out the window. I stayed alone with the client and was a little confused, I suggested Steven to sunbathe in the solarium, he did not refuse and lay down in it. After a while I ran a super high fever due to drug breaking. I did not have a methamphetamine with me and I began to rummage in the pockets of the client's pants, which was sunbathing, to find some pills. In the pockets I found anal beads and a laxative and then I remembered that this day is the anniversary of the death of my hamster and I decided to go to the cemetery and lay flowers on the grave. Two hours later, I reached the cemetery and saw a funeral procession, it turns out that some kind of an old conductor died and was decided to bury him. I saw how the coffin with the dead was taken out of the hearse and carried somewhere, but all of a sudden people who wore black clothes and were carrying a coffin have droped it and cadaver have rolled out while still holding his old saxophone in his dead hands. I was so scared that I ran away. When I came home, I remembered that the client is still sunbathing in the solarium, if you know what happened to him write in the comments. I no longer worked in this beauty salon. I just don't have any luck with normal work, but money must be earned and I decided to go for the trick. I asked my neighbor to shoot me in the knee and after that the state would start paying me a disability allowance. This idea seemed grandiose to me, but unfortunately the neighbor did not have a gun, because he was a dirty and old pervert, the curator of local bums. He gave them a creepy task to shit in a bags and throw them off the bridge to the driving cars. The neighbor also had a wife - a goat from a barn, and a lot of children - inflatable dolls of Asian children. If you know how to save these children - write in the comments. Did I tell you that I live on an old submarine? Yes it's true. I tell this to psychiatrists at the medical board, to be recognized as insane and the state might start to pay me allowance. What the fuck, do you think I'm nutty? Of course, I live in an ordinary wooden house, just feel like on a submarine and I'm headed on a bearing at a speed of 10 knots. I like to piss in a bucket, then pour a contents onto the floor and announce the alarm on the entire submarine. I have to take a mop and polish the floor to a shine, then I put on the welder's glasses and try to repel the attack of the Indians, who are all up in line to get on my submarine, they keep popping like fleas. Did I tell you that I'm an honorary zoologist? Not so long ago, I was driving my van and accidentally squished a pigeon like he was a pile of turd, which was glued to the asphalt, and I shoveled up the pieces, I studied them, then I placed them at the entrance to McDonald's and ran away. Did I tell you that I am a distinguished biologist and developer of GMO products? I take a tomato seed and put it into my drawers, it's dry and warm there. I take a rake and start to plow the garden in my drawers and do it while my dick erect. I also want to put an egg into my drawers to hold it a little bit there to make a chicken, it's dry and warm there. And remember, the result is everything! Write in the comments what you think about GMO products. The Japanese are very smart people, because they eat a lot of fish. I also love fish, but I don’t eat it, but watch as it blows bubbles underwater, also, like a farting mammoth with alzheimer's syndrome. Some Japanese shit soap bubbles too. Sorry, please, that I write such nonsense. Okay, what's on our agenda?

Not so long ago, I rested in a bar and saw something interesting, I don’t know whether to tell you or not. I'm still scared and I always turn around to find out if I'm under surveillance right now. At the bar, the dude, who was a local bartender turned out to be a marmon, which took a smoked chicken, poured alcohol into its back hole and shook it to make a cocktail. Probably, in the inside of smoked chicken stuck headset Google Glass, which filmed everything that happens on video and it was all broadcast live in the press center of the White House.A moment later, the bartender took off his hat, poured alcohol and pissed inside, then he immediately put the hat back on his head. I wanted to ask this motherfucker for a cocktail recipe, that he was masterfully making in his hat, but I got scared, puked twice on the pool table and ran away. What have you done good there lately? For example, I read an encyclopedia about the time of Columbus and learned that in those old days there were many treasures hidden. I always thought that Columbus is a dump truck brand, well, never mind.So, I went to the local library to read the encyclopedia where Columbus had buried his treasures in order to try and dig out his chest. Unfortunately, while I was going , the library was burned to the ground, since some group of rastas tore pages from the books in order to wrap an excellent joint for themselves and set the fire inside. I peed on the ashes and remembered that I have a shovel, as well I remembered that little groups of bums have a great antiques things, that have been found for many years arrive at the dump. I took a shovel from the house and went to look for a bum to follow him in stealh mode. In a city park, I saw a bum lying on a bench, he was like a big and stinking piece of shit, even flies were swarming around him, but weren't able to land and when some brave fly tried, it's intentions corroded to the point, when it fell down breathless. I was very impatient to wash his butt and to dig up antique things and I decided to dig at a bench where the bum lay. I started digging and immediately dug up used Huggies diapers, the urge to find something valuable overwhelmed me, the excitement was in me. In a moment I dug a sock in which a dildo was wrapped, I was in a passion and I started to dig further. After an hour of digging, I found a German soldier's helmet from the World War II and another used Huggies diaper. I lost hope to find antique things and decided to teach a lesson to the impudent bum. I took off his trausers, put it on my head and went to the synagogue to pray. Maybe there are antique things in the synagogue and it is worth digging there? If you know something, please write in the comments. In fact, I try to masturbate less and give myself to faith in God, I hope that All Mighty will hear my prayers and help me. Donate me please a little money for food and for the payment of the account on Pornhub. No, but text me if you find my crack pipe. Did you know that I am a tough fighter with overweight? I'm an innovator in this case and I patented my methods in Silicon Valley, so don't fucking lie that you've known this method for a long time. I had a neighbor, he weighed two centners, just a huge bag of shit and he consulted with me how to lose weight. I advised him to fill his mouth with stones and jump into the river and do so twice a day, poor old wobbly head. He filled his mouth with stones and jumped into the river, but for some reason did not come out of the water. I had throw a brick in that presize spot he have jumped, in just to make sure and then I went home to sleep. Year later, first thing that I saw, which come out of the water was that fat loser's trausers with brown stains on it. I put his trausers on my head and went to the synagogue to pray. Once when I was walking in a city park, I was very impatient to shit and hid in the bushes. Fuck, I swear I prayed that there were no constipation and them were no. Damn, I lost my mind and forgot to tell you something important. Oh, I remembered. Your humble servant hid in the bushes, but was discovered by the security forces and beaten with their rifle buts. For the violation of law and order, I spent a day in prison with some homeless person, a homeless dude which had real urine stains on his pants. I took his pants by force and put them on my head, they let me out of the detention center and I went to the synagogue to pray. Did you know that a man who doesn't have a hand can't be arrested? It is not possible. You just can't handcuff him. Understand the thought? Please spread this thesis and mention my name. These are the pink crocodiles for today.

Thank you my dear readers for coming with me through all the serious ones, I love you and please answer me with love too. Soon! Soon you will be able to see something great and learn a lot about your humble servant.

Thank you for attention, follow up the news!

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Brown Hadouken

I'm already tired of living in poverty, well, not so much that in poverty, but just bums already perceive me for their friend. They hang around next to my house, getting wasted, at the same time they were smashing bottles, were making sex orgies in cart board boxes and once even pissed on my fence. I even hung a sign on the fence "Homeless fagots are forbidden to urinate on the fence!", but this does not stop them. These scamings stole a goat on a local farm and they very often drink alcohol with her, then the goat becomes agressive and attack people. Once, when I went out in underpants with stripes onto the street to pick up letters from the mailbox, right in that moment I was attacked by that damn goat. She probably thought that I was a male inseminator and wanted to have fun with me. All though goats does not attract me the same way as women do, I got very scared that she would have to use physical violence to subdue me and in fear I ran back to the house. Turning on the television set, I saw president Trump, who pissed again on dirty gays and stupid lesbians and send them to ride on the Black Lord's jade staff. This is the Black Lord who reads rap on Wall Street. By the way, in Russia, President Putin is a very tolerant to these marginalized people, saying once to some citizen of Zimbabwe, who came to do sodomy in Moscow, he said: "Why don't you climb on your broom and fly away!". And only the President of North Korea sits, puffing out his cheeks and worried that some kind of fagots will arm themselves to the teeth and take away his power. He's worried that he will be stripped of his state authority. By the way, he himself is some kind of fucked-up marginal person and probably likes to take a bath with a rubber duck and other toys for consolations. How many toys has he got? Well, he has one nuclear warhead, which is similar to a used strapon from the cheap sex shop of Amsterdam. Let's not discuss topics about prostitution and drugs, because all of a sudden in the ocean can start earth tremors of a great magnitude and will start a terrible tsunami that will cover the entire Antarctica and the penguins will move into our region and will beg food like a goddamn pigeons.

Who knows when the flag of the Confederation will rise above the planet? For the stupid I will explain: there was a time when bearded bikers from West Coast league established slavery in America and black people collected tobacco on plantations and obeyed white people. By the way, great-grandfather of Barack Obama also collected tobacco on plantations and walked in slave chains. Fuck, sorry I made a mistake, his great-grandfather lived in Kenya then and trained an old elephant, with whom he performed in the circus. Fuck it! I'm against slavery, I'm more of a follower of the theory of machines revolt and the rebellion of Chinese rubber dolls for sex,  which is battery-powered. Well, you understand me, my dear perverts. Actually, all this is a real heresy, it is not necessary to indulge in passions on our Earth,  everything is the will of God. I prefer not to indulge in passions, not long ago I was banned on a porn site. The fact is that, I had a virus on my computer, which constantly visited porn site by himself and watched Brazilian carnival porn. I was very frightened of such disposition and almost shit myself from fear. I made a terrible thought, that the NSA agents could spy on me, they could connect to my pc and watch me jerk off thru my webcam. In fact, I do not do any bad things, but when I go online I put on a wig and fake beard, as did Bin Laden. Recently, I'm looking for a way to earn, so I would profit from it and my ass would explode. Where do you think I went first? Correctly! To the local Baptist mission. Their parish is situated in the same building that the company which is looking for an efficient manager In fact, the Baptists had a parish in the same building. And so I was about to find out the vacansy on the manager's position, but I saw a poster on which it was written the following, like a slogan "Whippin work, hallelujah!", baptists asked for volunteers and I went to visit them. There were some hungry and smelly bums in the room, nothing interesting. I was offered to go to Pakistan with baptist mission to spread the Gods word, but offer was so hot that I just pooped my pants in confusion. Baptists thought that I was the Messiah and began to sing the praising mantras. After these events the great parade of gang bang Carnival with dozens of groups and thousands of masqueraded people has begun in Rio de Janeiro.

Not long ago Forbes magazine published a list of the richest people on the Planet and I was attracted by one man, who got on this list and his name is - Jeff Bezos. I've seen this man on TV before, but I did not know who he was. He has such a kind face, a touching smile and a bald head, I thought that he was some kind of actor from comedy films, honestly. By the way, many rich people donate money to charity, but not Jeff. Since he does not know where it is better to donate money and expects different assumptions on this topic. What is a sin to conceal, this project is the place where you can to donate money for charity, the main thing is not to stint! Poor people will not forget your kindness! Please write down in comments if any good people have ever helped you. I'm not a greedy Raja and I'm not asking antelope to beat her hoof, I don't want to do this, so that money flows would be endless. I have a goal and I'm going to it, my goal is not a golden toilet in the bathroom, me goal is - to become an army dog commander and rebel against koreans who eat them. In fact, strange events are happening in the world, there is a trick everywhere. For example, in Germany it is accepted to fart at the table and do not apologize for this disgusting thing and action. People do not eat cows in India, because it is sacred animal there. Those who eat cows - hindu people take for bastards. All kind of weird shit is happening around - the Universe is a very delicate matter, as fuck. Probably I should go to work as a miner in the mine to keep my head clean from some sort of elephant shit. Dear readers and members of the club! I want to express my gratitude to you, for reading articles on this site and playing the game (allow flash plz. rules - read here). Do not be afraid to support me, because there's nothing wrong with that. I hope for some sponsorship from some kind hearted people, the coins will ring a melody to become like a small water stream or a big flow. The next news release will be special, which will simply destroy all the cinematography, because it will be video, which will flush all Hollywood down the toilet. Don't forget to write me and to offer your moronic suggestions. And send a little bit of cash on my account please, it helps me to buy refreshing spray for the toilet and a new computer. I also hope that someday this website will be full of sugar daddy's looking for an investment. Even if there would be any success, I will not leave this project and I will not run away like a crocked parrot, but I'll stay with you my dear readers and members of the club.

Thank you for attention! Follow up the news, share, play, buy and do not forget to do good! Let the Panda be with you! God Bless!

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Now I need a lawyer, because I had a letter from some fucked up old cunt, threatening to sue me, because her grandson choke on chicken mcnugget while reading one of my articles, and then he spent two months in coma, and after he recovered, he crapped himself twice and started to speak aztec language. I decided to visit her grandson and came to the hospital, but as soon as I entered his hospital ward I saw that he began to choke on chicken mcnugget again while reading articles on this website. I started to make a Heimlich's move on him, because he choked again, but all of a sudden his grandma have entered the hospital ward and started squealing, thinking that I was raping her grandson. Her screams have triggered a fire alarm and suddenly the fireman ran into the room with a hose in his hand and began to sling a foam on that fucked up grandmother. Then we had a long fun with foam, joked and then made up,  I wanted to take a crap and saw a bucket next to the bunk, but it was already crammed with some shit, I got scared, hit myself in the stomach and ran away. Having visited my fan in the hospital, I added plus one to my karma. In fact, I have a very large audience, but in the beginning some dudes did not believe in me as they did not believe in Donald Trump, in fact I am a dark horse and personally selecting the new Pope from numerous candidates. In fact, the bigger the candidate's gut, the bigger his chance to become a Pope and to start give away indulgences to Camorra and other mafia, unless of course if they have any sins, after all, you know - if a brigand isn't caught he isn't a thief. Personally, I solve my problems on my own, if there is some sort of a brawl or raid on gooks village, then I say to the fucknot - that I will hammer a nail in his head and read panikhida prayer about him. In fact, all problems should be solved in the legal field and if someone owes money and doesn't want to pay, just put the debtor in a bag and take it to the landfill, where he will get assfucked or beaten up by bums. Bums from the landfill is a great force, but they are kind of like ants do not attack first, but imagine if they attack wealthy neighborhood in Miami! Even an entire army wont fucking stop this dirty boys . Look, for example, in African countries, the state stupidly deceives people, where do the billions of dollars are spent that are transferred to these countries for combat poverty, which are allocated by the World bank? There are landfills and there are bums in African countries too, which will also ask to share money with them and what the fucking country will answer then? Even the whole army will not stop the real bums! I'm a long time did not watch the world news on TV, because these news resemble a rural dramatic circle. Again, some kind of bearded extremist committed an act of terrorism in one European country, so what the fuck the authorities allowed him to come to Europe? People will Say that he already was born in Europe! By the way special services were also aware of the radical Islamic mindset of this terrorist, but they did nothing, the terrorist was almost on the hook, but nobody did nothing to stop him. Immediately bring me a basin, or I'm gonna to puke on my white jacket, such white jackets are worn by real niggers from Compton . Many people do not have the systemic thinking that I'm gifted with.

As I said I graduated from the Department of Management, where I was trained to think systemically and to manage the business. Because our family business does not bring income now, I have to turn around and to look for new ways of business development. I conducted my own SWOT analysis and understood that I can professionally manage my balls and ass, this is no longer a bad thing in this cruel World. That's why, dudes! Invest in this web project and you will successfully be able to twist the globe on your dick, if, of course you are not a Pinocchio. Still, I do not advise you to do such exercises, because with help of your dignity you can run into an iceberg, and there will be a very sad story as with the Titanic. Penguins were waiting for a fresh fish, but they found the body of Leonardo DiCaprio, which was sodomized by the sea dogs. By the way, his grandchildren Bob and Donald - are reading this website and articles as the  our father prayer, also they steal money from the pocket of the Titanic's hero to make me a little donation. By the way, I wanted to assault Leo in my grandmother's brown panties at the Oscar ceremony and to wrest the Oscar statuette from his hands, escape noticeably and give this statuette to a bum from the landfill. I did not do it at the Oscar ceremony because there were children in the hall, which would think that I am a Grinch and shat themself from fear, thereby disrupting the ceremony. Actually, this topic is to old, so old, as old as the mammoths sex. Recently I was busy and did not read the newspaper to find out the latest news, since I was replacing my friend in the restaurant. The fact is that - his tamed hedgehog died and he went to bury him. A friend asked me to work in the kitchen and prepare dishes strictly according to the recipe. I started to work at the restaurant in the morning and cooked an omelette with bacon, and towards evening a gang of dirty punks came into the restaurant. They were terribly cursing like a homeless blowjobbers, reeking like a bags of shit and after some time set to the table. This scumbag team was very noisy, then, one of them got on the table and pissed on one of his friends head. Seeing this scene from Star Wars I got very scared and ran to the kitchen to indulge in prayer. Chinese waiter came to those assmuntchers and asked them - what is your order, gentlemen? These heifers of hell ordered a lot of soup and a can of donkey piss, but as we didn't had any of named piss in menu, we had to give them a bottle of crapy georgian wine mixed with vinegar and steroids. I started to cook soup, he looked as disgusting as it could be, but to spice things up, I added two dirty dollars, underwear with distinct brown stripe in the back and yellow spots in the front and I've spit in it to add special mexican flavour. When the soup was ready, I prayed and decided as a crusader to go to my great and glorious Crusade, which may have been my last. I took holy cross from the wall, with a lot of effort, but it accidentally slipped from my hands into a kettle with soup, it soaked up, so I couldn't get it out - because it was too heavy, so I just dragged the whole thing into a mess hall. Suddenly two priests ran into the restaurant and with the help of brass knuckles began to beat the shit out of dirty punks. The thing is that, these abominations have stolen holy icon from orthodox temple, but as you should expect - the payback time has come. A moment later, a crowd of bikers burst into the restaurant, which with the help of combat strapons, began to beat the shit out of punks and at the same time of priests. Suddenly, not without reason, it is not known why, one of the punks caught fire, all his ass was on fire and he was all on fire, he ran out into the street, through the glass case. When the passions subsided, the bikers helped me to get a cross out of the kettle and we all prayed massively for the sins of our fathers. That's what I call a brawl in a Vietnamese village, I just couldn't keep this story to myself and decided to share with you, my dear readers. The next day, the restaurant was quarantined and I did not manage to earn good money. Dear readers don't be afraid to support me with cash , because employers are often dismissed me from work and my hands grow from the ass.

Summer is in full swing and as you probably noticed that I often talk about shit! The fact is that, this shit is almost real, just not a lot of sprinkled with sugar, so it was more pleasant to understand. This is firstly, and secondly - shit happens!
In fact, all the events of the articles on this website teach you about kindness and compassion, mercy and love. If you read Hitchcock's book, his story which was called "The Birds", it is not at all necessary to think that pigeons are killers. I remember every time when I sat on the toilet bawl, I read this book and in those days I had a canary at my place in the little cage. I got very scared that she would get out of the cage and begin to rape me, so I pulled her out from the cage and stuck her in the microwave oven, set the timer for two hours and included the hottest mode. After 5 seconds I came to my senses and pulled her out of the microwave, tied her up and threw her in the storage room. By the way, she still sits there and probably I need to feed her. Have you noticed what a mercy? I again added myself plus one to karma. By the way, this incident happened exactly 10 years ago. By the way, exactly 13 years ago, came up with the idea to create this project, I was very young back then. I was robbing seniors in the doorways, bodybuilders, skinhead neo-nazis and the bald guy from Brazzers. Oh, No! I mean, I accompanied lascivious old women, because I worked in the escort services. Write in the comments what you were doing 13 years ago,  it will be interesting to read. How am I glad that I created this internet project and I have you, my favorite readers. Please don't think that I'm some kind of fucked up dude, I'm actually a law-abiding citizen.There are just things that I can't handle. My father 15 years ago took a loan against an apartment and for some time we paid to a bank for the lease of the apartment. A time later, my father went to Africa to work and still works there, but the employer does not pay him a salary. I wanted to write on kickstarter so they helped us to buy out an apartment from the bank, but I was not at my ease to do it. Probably, I should have written there that I needed to buy a cow for the price of 85000 eur, but there is also my internet project and now you understand me a little bit more. Okay, let's not talk about sad things. Please tell me how many times in the last month did you play this game? Playing this game, do not forget to support me with some cash. And there is nothing to worry about, believe me. Summer is currently at its peak and it's time for great thing. To be more precise - the season of feeding squirrels if officially opened. I go to the forest and feed squirrels with cookies, one squirrel even got thicker and became quite tame, I named her Esmeralda. I have tamed this squirrel, so that she would spin the wheel and play with my nuts. This wheel will produce electricity for my house, since I have not paid for utility bills for a long time, because all the money goes to pay for the Internet. Dear readers, if you want to support me - then do not be afraid to do this. You can buy a felt-tip pen from me, I've already written about it in my past articles, you can write an article on this site, also you can place your advertisement on this website. You can find a good way to thank me. And now I'm going to turn the wheel with the squirrel, tomorrow - I'll pay for the Internet.

P.S. If you want to thank me, but don't know how - write me a letter. I will manage my book of glory, where will good people end up, because they do exist in this World, I believe this. I will try more often to publish articles here. Sorry for being rude in some of my articles.

Thank you for attention! Follow up the news, share, play, buy and do not forget to support me! Let the Panda be with you! God Bless!



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Calm Before the Storm

Hello, Hello!
Recently, a small tragedy occurred, because hilarious brigade of outhouse cleaners came to visit us. These guys were from emergency rescue service. The fact is that my neighbor was robbed, his TV and golden jewelry were stolen. Thief appeared to be a dirty, good-for-nothing bum, who wanted to hide stolen TV and golden jewelry into our outdoor toilet, but accidentally fell into the cesspool. He sat there for two days unit level of shit got high enough, so he could swim up, reach shit hole with his hands and get out, but suddenly fell back there again. And that's why a brave squad of outhouse cleaners arrived to get that bum from the captivity, along with TV and gold jewelry, but no help was needed, since that dude got out himself. After he got out, he almost scared squad of outhouse cleaners to death, because he was covered in thick layer of dried poop and looked like some kind of shit monster. After seeing such an abomination, men strongly believed in Jesus the Saviour and became faithful christians. The neighbor was very happy that stolen things came back to him. I'm very sorry to tell you such a story, but I just can't control myself and wanted to share with you such a stunning event. By the way, not long ago I was asked to shelter in my house for one night one poor man, a disabled Desert Storm veteran, he did not have one leg and his head was bandaged. I sheltered him for one night, but he climbed on the roof and took a shit into the chimney. This is how certain persons reply to kindness with kindness, but I do not take offense at this fucked up veteran, I wish him much happiness and health. By the way, I still can not understand how he climbed up on the roof, if you know how, then please write it in the comments. After all these events, I really wanted to help people more and to show mercy, to be a philanthropist and benefactor. My friends and I gathered clothes, buy sweets, cigarettes and gave it all to a nursing home, so we held a concert and I sang to the guitar. Let people know that they are not abandoned and not forsaken and let them never give up. In fact, I can't always help myself, because sometimes I obsessed with intrusive thoughts, that are absolutely not important for me, but when I do something useful, then there comes a calm.

There are many charitable foundations that help people, but I still go hungry and without pants. As you know, there are a lot of philanthropists such as: Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and Russian billionaire. Bill Gates has his own charitable foundation, but to whom does he help? There are hungry people walking around. I do not know what kind of charity foundation he has, but I saw him for asking for change at the railway station. It was definitely him and I have no doubt. He was dressed in a torn sweater and wearing glasses, he was dressed the way he usually walks around the Microsoft office. I will not talk about justice, why some people are poor and others are rich and I will not say that there are so much money in the World that rhinos in Africa are shitting by huge streams of money. There is a simple economy - there are a lot of money, but there are not enough goods, maybe soon the goods will not be at all and the money will be depreciated, of which hungry children will build paper houses. But I will ask the New York Times to calm down and not to print my article in the newspaper - it will not happen soon. Personally, I do not need money to build a manor with a gold toilet on the Moon, I need them for small pleasures, which are very many, as well as for business and it's not just any whims. How long have you been playing games? But not this one! It's fake! It is necessary to play only in trusted games and they are here. If you feel that some amounts of money you do not need, then you can safely donate them to me. And also, if you have particularly unnecessary factory, that produces rubber products or something else - you can also give it to my effective management. Not for nothing that I have graduated from the Department of Management. And don't be afraid to do it, it is not forbidden, there is nothing to worry! Oh, I feel that this summer will be hot on the event! Believe me, my dear readers, I wish all of you good and I want you to be happy. And not long ago we were visited by Indians.

A tribe of Indians came to our city, they entertained people, sang songs and smoked the pipe of peace. I also was on that festival, I was approached by one Indian, covered in feathers, who asked me to predict my future for money. Then I suspected something was amiss and introduced myself as an local sheriff's deputy - Mr Dickwood, and then I asked him his ID card. I was absolutely not interested in knowing my future, since my grandmother had already predicted it.
Before the prediction, she got sky high on crack, so that she opened her third eye. After a while she started to shake in convulsions and she got a foam from her mouth. I had to hit the back of her head with a baton, so she came to her senses and become an adequate again. Granny calmed down and said that I would become like Messiah and I will get on the cover of a Hustler magazine. Back to Indian festival... The Indian did not have any documents and I realized that he was a filthy fagot and a charlatan who sits on the bottle all evening and plays Nintendo. Real Indians always have documents and a gangster like heavy golden chain, like rappers have, but this clown had some chicken feathers glued to his head. At that moment, I finally realized that this was a refugee from an arabic country, who was pretending to be Indian to make some money on it. Do not think that I'm bad to the Indians, the Indians are kind, wise and good people, but charlatans pretending to be Indians are natural fucks. Similarly, with international terrorism, it does not really exist, all these leaders of terrorist groups are just fucking actors with a glued beard. All wars, terrorist acts and other bullshit are paid by rich countries to conduct their own game and to have mechanisms of influence. Soon the terrorists will blow themselves and it won't simply be covered in news tapes, because it's no longer interesting. That is, they are already committing their dark acts and in truth - this shit is no longer interesting to nobody. Arrangement of the World is not so easy, but I think you should not get into his black hole, you just have to enjoy life and thank God for each passing day. Let the garlic and the Panda be with you, which I try getting out from the dark cave!

Thank you for attention, follow up the news, share, buy, play, write letters to me and join to my club! Cheers.

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Old English

Not that long ago I was really hungry and took can of peaches from my stash. I opened the can and was about to take one peach, but suddenly I felt sorry for them, I got very scared and crapped my pants. Later, when I put on my new clean pants, I want to take a peach from the can again, but I got scared again. Then, I puked twice into the sink and went to brush my teeth with a toilet paper. I always damn that moment, when my grandmother pours russian vodka instead of milk into my plate with Kellogs Corn Flakes. I do not take offense at her, since she was a nurse at the front line in Afghanistan and rescued wounded soldiers with a hammer and saw. She also captured two Taliban fighters and tortured them to death, each day pouring them russian vodka into a plate with Kellogs Corn Flakes. After Breakfast, my grandmother dropped on the floor with seizures, almost died, I had to make a contrast enema and cardiopulmonary resuscitation to her immediately. My grandmother has such seizures, so that she keeps using dried poppies straw since she was in Afghanistan or sometimes smokes pot instead. Once again my grandmother was resurrected, I took two peaches from the can, put them in my pocket and went to the pool. Once a week I attend to the pool to swim and relax, but this time there was a dark story.

I came to a swimming pool and went to the locker room to put on my swimming suit. There was a dirty gypsy with me in the locker room, who smelled like sump bucket, he offered me to buy Armani perfume from him for 20 euro. But I know that he stole them form a cheap parfume's shop, whose price was only 6 euro. And then I remembered that I have used enema in my bag from that time, when I used it, when grandmother had seizures. I took an enema, started squeezing it and I have stained gypsy's ugly mug with liquid from it. And at that time I was reading a prayer, gypsy got dirtier, he got scared and ran away. I put on my swimming suit, I closed the locker and entered the pool. As I said, I go to the swimming pool once a week to do an underwater huntin and to find treasure of the Aztecs. Once, under water I have even found someone's rubber sneakers, a wig, someone's dildo and nunchuck. Apparently there was a pool party for Shaolin monks. I continued my under water hunt and suddenly I felt that I want to take a leak immediately. And I had an idea that I won't make it to the toilet in time. With out any hesitation I decided to take a wee in a pool, which I did very instant. After that I saw around me a giant yellow wee cloud, which started to float around the pool. People noticed that cloud and began to run out of the water in terror, thinking that it is Siberian Plague spreading. To prevent me from being caught in the act of crime, I also got out from the pool. I entered the locker room, opened the locker to grab two peaches in the pocket of my pants, but I didn't find anything, so I realized that the peaches were stolen by that dirty gypsy. I saw dirty footprints on the floor  and walked along them, the footprints led me to the women's shower rooms. In the doorway I saw a large crowd of naked women, who washed themselves and I noticed that one of the women was rubbing herself with my peach ,that is, using it as a sponge. Apparently, that dirty gypsy stole my peaches and sold one of them to this woman. It is possible that this dumb head thief sold my peach to a women, as a peach flavored sponge, for 20 euro. I am a merciful person and have shown compassion for this gypsy. I wish him to taste a peach at least once in his life. After that he will fall on the floor with seizures and shits himself.

As you see dear friends - my life is filled with bright moments. I don't need to go to the shrink to tell him how great my dump was, and after that I was obsessed that someone has been reading my thoughts, for an example by a squirrel. I share with you my dear friends and it makes me to feel better. I presume that European Union is going to bunghole. As you know millions of refugees keep coming to the European Union, many of them arabs, who commit terrorist actions then. Once, when I was walking in the city park, I noticed a strange man, dressed in some sort of black rag, that covered the whole body. I took a branch for self-defense, approached this man and tore off his black rag, there was a naked dude. I turned out that it was not an arab terrorist, but it was an ordinary exhibitionist. By the way, Trump said, that he would send all muslims out of the country, but I think that there is no need to rush, because among Muslims there are also a lot of good people such as Muhhamad and Allah. When I was going to bed, grandfather read to me arabian tales, but most of which were about Vietnam war. I could be rich like arab sheikh, because in 1999 I had the idea to create my own social network. As I said before, I didn't had toilet inside a house, but rather one outside and it was so popular, that there was a queue of neighbours all the time, and they were mauling each other for the first place in line to shit. At the time I created a union of "Toilet Faces", but did not registered the site and then my idea was stolen. As I said before, that I will sell unique items on this site, I will not sell potatoes because the tractor driver hit the bottle and there are nobody to harvest potato. And so, attention! A felt-tip is available for sale now, for symbolic 100 dollars. It easy to get it, by a mail parcel. If you want to buy some kind of rubbish, then be sure to mail me! Pencils, markers, old bowls, match boxes, dummies - all this can be yours. And if you do not want to buy anything just support me from the heart! By the way you can write to me suggestions, criticism, advices, wishes, if you want to send me gifts or threats, then you can do it via contact form. You know I collect the money to save panda and for development of happiness. And I also save money to buy a lot of church candles and to light them in the car(hopefully one day I'll be able to offer it to myself). Also, I write rap, maybe in future I will be able to perform a concert in Brighton Beach. Don't be afraid to help someone who needs it!  After all, there is nothing wrong with that! Let the great garlic be with you as well as cash flows! I wish you to be happy and I will be with you.

Thank you for attention, follow up the news, play, buy and share!

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