Guerrilla Warfare

Have you noticed, that people hide in the cracks like cockroaches, so that they would not be slapped with a slipper by the groups of the anonymous authority, which has been given birth by the international network structures, World behind side scene? And in the zombie’s media, donkey urine is poured into the infernal cauldron, where Bill Clinton is boiling, who asks for a last chance to put a dick in Monica’s mouth. Hello, and welcome to the first new episode of Survivor Chronicles. During hard times this will be the name of the all articles. Last night on a pornhub website I found out, that the American civil war was started. In Texas, a black man was caught into tornado funnel and was deported to the Emerald City. There he got lost and couldn't find the toilet and urinated in the fountain where a decrepit old man with green glasses was swimming along with dried pieces of shit. Black man was immediately grabbed by guards in green glasses and tasered and dumped in a dumpster to die. Moreover, they pured boiling water there and closed the lid. Because of these events, in Alaska - unrest among citizens has began. Among the local Indians there were wild riots: they robbed people, set fire to cars, broke into nursing homes and raped oxygen tanks, broke into a local radio station, tore off the microphone and took turns sitting on it, many people were injured. A pastor from Luther King’s church called for peace of mind, after which he took a hammer and went to smash windows of a clothes store from an Italian couturiers. Sometimes you have to put something shiny in the window to get him in the store. This is exciting that these groups threatened to force those disobeying the call to strike to return to their homes and to attack any shops, businesses or vehicles that defied their actions.A wave of protests and riots quickly spread across America, as cornhusker flew everywhere and threw leaflets with the following content: "Sucking on the tits! Had the hooker beggin for the dick! My dick got rock quick!" Cornhusker's pilot was Denis Rodman, along with Kim Jong-un, who wanted to throw a rotten tomato on the Microsoft office building, but there was a sharp turn and Kim Jong-un fell out of the plane like potato and fell on the roof of the Microsoft office building where Bill Gates grilled a chicken. Bill Gates thought: "What a chubby pigeon, just delicious". Bill Gates donates money to various scientific research, stewed cabbage, fart aesthetics. He is also the largest contributor of the World Health Organization and can lobby for any of his interests. By the way, people say, that he knew long before the coronovirus epidemic that there would be an epidemic. Actually, I would drink a cup of Nesquik with him in a sushi bar in Wuhan, but I'm afraid that while we will sit there, then at one of the nuclear power stations in China, the light bulb will burn out, because Windows XP will hang, like a low battery kiborg toy. Meanwhile, riots in America are already in Minnesota and Pamela Anderson walking in the forest of West Virginia and looking for her lost virginity. I don't know, if it was a stump or a branch, maybe a log, but whatever it was, there was no gas attack in Syria. Remember the "White Helmets" squad, who knows who these clowns are? Write about it in the comments. While I'm in lock down, I don't see many people, I'm a little bit lonely and I drink tea with a Bun. Meanwhile, in America, events are unfolding very spontaneously, a civil war on the nose. John McCain does not waste time in vain; he practices somersaults back and forth in the Shaolin Monastery. When he knew a civil war was about to break out, he sent one son to fight for the North and one to the South. Unfortunately, one son has no leg and the other has a concussion on his head, Oh, these retarded Vietnam veterans. We need to find the answer - why is everything so fucked up in America? It all started with the fact that Michael Jackson turned pale as death, it all started when the Americans landed on the moon, although the landing itself was filmed in the pavilion of the Warner Bros. movie studio, it all started with the fact that there was no need to invade Vietnam. I really liked the video, which showed how dead dudes from coronavirus were buried in white coffins. This ceremony was also filmed at the Warner Bros. studio, inside the coffins lay defective flash drives from China and glass wool, and the coffins themselves were made of cardboard ordered on Aliexpress. By the way, the medicine Remdesivir, which was created in America, is absolutely not effective. With this garbage you can only treat diarrhea of penguins. So, who benefits from this coronovirus and epidemic? Answer: reptilians. When the virus passes, foreign interventionists will arrive on Earth. I advise you to stock up on good weapons to resist. In fact, gray cardinals, let's call them “underground rappers” come up with different scarecrows stories and other goose crap so that people walk as directed, be obedient and in the end become slaves. No need to fight, it’s better to launch an expedition to Mars as soon as possible, instead of a Mars rover you can wear a donkey into spacesuit and move around Mars on it and generally, we should send some mazafakas to Mars and let they do their dark things there. If Tupac hadn’t flown to the moon, he would still be alive. By the way, Tupac and Biggie Smalls should've been putted into a coffin in a hand-to-big-toe pose and to every one of them should have put a pack of Remdesivir into their funeral clothes so they can have a good time in the afterlife sushi bar. Watch how Borka Yeltsin is dancing and gentlemen, prepare to have your lives transformed. By the way, the price of oil hit yet another record, because of his whole Rooster Poot Playhouse. Well, let's not talk about carrion, but let's talk about lilliputians, movies, people and events.

I don’t want to discuss anything bitch, I'm getting pretty tired of that the aliens abducting me on Tuesdays and the next morning I wake up without pants in some kind of dirty porch. I have established a very good contact with them, they have subscribed to my twitter, instagram and facebook. I don't like it, when they show up unexpectedly and ask to go with them to their spaceship. One time I was relieving myself and sitting on john, a ray of light suddenly appeared and I began to be attracted by this ray to their rubber boat, which hovered over my house. I took haloperidol and the ray disappeared, I never met aliens any more. I saw only fishermen on a rubber boat and they slipped some stick into the water, I was very puzzled about what they were trying to do. I opened up the Wikipedia website and it turned out that this is not a stick, but a fishing pole and they fish, I did not know this before. Now there is an epidemic of coronavirus, someone is sounding the alarm, someone is trying to be treated by sticking reeds into dusty anus and someone like me is waging a guerrilla war with alien invaders who are already among us. My long-term research in this field has shown that invaders are afraid of consecrated water like not good demons, and they are also afraid of the appearance of the Ken doll. Recently I went to the church to get consecrated water, dragged a barrel with me and gave the priest a donation to restore the altar and asked him to pour water into the barrel and consecrate it. When he finished consecrating the water, I asked him to get into the barrel and he got into the barrel, then I closed the lid and rolled the barrel to my van, loaded it into the van, and drove away. In the evening, I had to fly to Afghanistan to buy a plasma gun and red poppy seeds there from local huckster for my greenhouse. I spent a month in Afghanistan, bought an air defense installation, a plasma gun and poppy seed. When I flew back to my homeland, I remembered that in my van there was a barrel filled with consecrated water and with a priest inside. I was very pleased with an air defense installation that I bought, I need it in order to shoot down the drone that my neighbor launches. This fag launches a drone that annoyingly flies over my house and takes pictures of everything on camera. Once I jerked off and did not close the window with a curtain, meanwhile this drone filmed everything that was happening, look for this video in the CIA archives. I forgot to mention that when I was in Afghanistan, I also bought an electronic catapult. Just today, I loaded a catapult with a drained shit of the deceased bum and launched a projectile throughout a neighbor's window. One hour later, the ambulance arrived and took him to the hospital with a heart attack, now neighbor's drone will not fly over my house. As I said earlier, I lead the resistance against the reptiloids and the shadow world government, both of them are afraid of the Ken doll, and I have it. Did you notice that Ken doesn't have a dick? And a hermaphrodite body? And glass eyes like a drug addict has, have you ever noticed? Such a defective Ken is a poor assistant in the fight against reptilians, such a crap must be burned to the glory of Zeus. I, as Papa Carlo, created an improved Ken from wood: instead of a dick, I attached a tiny bell to it, made needles instead of hair, and with the help of cotton wool, I made him huge muscles. Recently, I was walking down the street and saw an Illuminati he had a big bag on his shoulder and I immediately realized that the bag contains equipment for communicating with an alien mind. I took Ken out of my pocket, I always carry him with me, ran up to the traitor of earthlings and started to hit him over his head with Ken. Dude fell and I took off his pants to make a DNA sample from their microparticles and determine which planet he was from, one minute later I left that spot in a hurry. The next day, the local newspaper reported that the postman was attacked, beaten with a doll and somebody stripped off his pants. I was so ashamed, it was good that he did not remember me, everything happens, well, think about it, I was wrong. Meanwhile, 66-year-old Sylvia Driskell from Nebraska sued all gay people in the World. Moreover, she filed her claim as a representative of "God and his son Jesus Christ". Seven pages of italicized text all come down to this phrase: burn all faggots! As I said earlier, street riots are spreading across America. Black rappers struggle with tyranny of masons and social injustice. Did I tell you how I robbed the Gypsies? One day I was walking along the shore of the lake and saw how the Gypsies dig the ground, Yes, real Gypsies and with real shovels. It turned out that they had some Gypsy flair and found there scrap metal, or rather sections of rails. One rail was already dug out and the Gypsies were digging further. The next evening, I specifically went there and looked, dug ten rails and went on digging. I want to note that this place was not quite wild but not crowded. The shore was steep and I wondered how these skinny guys would raise these rails up the hill. I did not bother and at exactly 4 a.m., without notifying the gypsies, I drove up to this place on a Dodge pickup truck with my neighbor and pulled out all the rails with the help of cables and loaded it into a pickup truck.  We took this good to an old man who took scrap metal for money, drove back there twice. I'm so sorry, Gypsies. Not long ago I was almost killed by the toilet bowl, but more on that later, and now the commercial break: buy bags in IKEA stores!

In order not to get infected with the coronavirus, I bought a rake yesterday. I put them on the ground, moved 10 meters away, accelerated and stepped on them with a run. I knew that they would be able to punch me on the forehead, I knew that they would be able to make a lot of damage to public health and society at large and that a cherry pie will not fall on me from the sky. Sometimes I work part-time as a volunteer, for any help I just ask for a little cash money to buy a cannabis from a dealer, and if greedy squatters don't give money, I rob them. Recently, I was tasked to carry food to an old cunt, I took a bag of food for her, laid everything out, I've got all the pretzel rolls I can handle and took them for myself. I put only a mushroom in the bag for that old lady, which I plucked walking towards her past the forest. When I got to her door, I took viagra, so, just in case and rang the doorbell. Suddenly I discovered that the door was unlocked and I went inside. There was a terrible smell, as if someone had died and the whole apartment was littered with some kind of garbage. I saw cats, there were 20 of them, tied to a battery, two dogs and a crow, and the old bitch herself was lying on the bed drunk to death. I took Ken out of my pocket, I always carry him with me and began to beat that old slut over her head so that she sobered up, but familiar whore didn’t come to her senses. It seems that she kicked the bucket and didn't molest poor animals, I put a bag with a mushroom on the table, freed the animals, having untied them from the battery, took the black briefcase which I liked and left. I really hoped that there must be a lot of money in the briefcase. The police tried to find me but I was hiding in a septic tank as soon as I heard yelling and opened that briefcase up, but there was a sandwich, used condoms, and a package of Remdisivir, well, not bad, either. As the commander of the resistance against aliens, I recruit volunteers and those, who care about the fate of our Planet. We need resources and money. We're going to need a number of Bill Gaytes, he has a love nest in Paris and I need the address. I also need a jet plane and a parachute to go for drop into Mark Zuckerberg's inferno, which is the common enemy of all humanity and must be combated. Maybe I could parachute in from a helicopter, or scuba dive in from the sewer. These dudes have a lot of money, but we need even more. We will assemble an army of Zulus and Aborigines and arm them for the glory of Moloch. Recently an old man wrote a letter to me and asked to save his grandson from enraged classmates. The fact is that, classmates constantly chased after the grandson with knives and I decided to settle this issue. The thing is that - grandpa gave his grandson apples to school, they are juicy and ripe. Classmates did not want to harm the grandson, they just wanted to cut his apple and eat it. I advised that gradson instead of apples to carry a bottle of whiskey to school. Now classmates are chasing that grandson with glasses, but I think I have solved initial problem. As I said earlier, I, as a henchman of the church of Saddam Hussein (he explained to me how to use the hair drier) and for the resistance team with the shadow government - need money. "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs (1 Timothy 6:10). I am not a fan of money, but I see how the needy need it, because in Africa children die of thirst and hunger and various charitable foundations only launder money from donations. What are people ready to do for money and what money are ready to do for them? I need money to feed my goat Vilkes, so you can buy a matchbox  from me so I would split the profits with my goat and feed him. Give us this day our daily bread. Money is needed just for a piece of sausage and for resistance squad. Do not be afraid to donate money, there is nothing to worry about. May the giver’s hand not be empty, thenk you. There are rich people who donate one pair of socks for the poor and walk with their raised heads. Is this a good deed? This is just an attempt to buy indulgence, nothing more. My neighbor, he has cerebral palsy, once tried to rob a jewelry store to buy a french baguette for his brother, who works in a circus, he is a midget his name is Jofrey Valentino. A 59-year-young man drove into a jewelry store in southern Alaska, handed the seller a note and pulled out a plasticine gun. He did this cleverly with his feet. The message contained the standard phrase : "Give me the money or I'll shoot you." They gave him all the money and he left. After half an hour, the police caught him, threw him off the wheelchair, stuck him in a suitcase that was handed over to the storage room.

We're well aware that it's a hard time now, buy even in this time of stress people should pull together and smoke some weed. When I worked at the pawnshop, different dudes brought us all kinds of crap: holey socks, false jaws, inflatable dolls, slippers and much more. At that time, we had a serial robber in our city who robbed people's apartments and stole their slippers and didn't touch anything else. I worked on the night shift, there weren’t many customers at night, so I could calmly watch Hentai on TV. One night, when I was on shift, a man in a clown mask ran into the pawn shop. I thought that it was a robber and was about to get a sawn-off shotgun from under the counter, but suddenly he took off his mask and said that he wanted to pawn his slippers. It was a black man, who introduced himself as Usain Bolton. I told him that he would get 50 cents for his slippers, so he offered to exchange his slippers for a false jaw with his surcharge. We did the deal of the century and the customer left satisfied. This dude came back ten times in a month and kept bringing me different slippers and then I got suspicious. Once again, when I was on shift, some kind of an old man in a straw hat brought a live goat to pawn it. I gave this man 650 dollars and he left pleased. In order not to fall asleep on the shift, I turned on the Hentai + radio, there was a newscast: "A young man from Nigeria has been arrested for stealing more than a hundred pairs of slippers from the streets of Abuja. It turned out that the vile villain did not need the shoes for resale or any other criminal schemes, but for sexual pleasures-he kissed the slippers, hugged them and put them on his genitals." At this moment I fell from my chair and remembered the black man who brought slippers to our pawnshop and thought was it really that same heinous villain. Fuck, but how did he end up in my city and how did he bring so many slippers with him from Nigeria? Is it really smuggling or dirty cocaine money - but altogether, that's another story yet. I completely forgot to tell you about the methods of guerrilla warfare and what to do if you find plutonium. This I will tell you in the next Survivor Chronicles my dear little snails. And then the corona epidemic will fall to nothing.

Thank you, follow up the news and prepare the money!:D

Experience of Visions

Not so long ago, I worked part time at a sawmill and a log fell on my head, after which I lost consciousness. Hawk One-Two, Dove One-Three, Roger. I spent six months in a hospital, in a ward with an old cartilage, who had Parkinson's syndrome. He constantly mumbled to himself and he stuffed used Kleenex up his sleeves, also, every night, this shell-shocked old pal muttered something in his beard.I could hear snatches of phrases from Tupac's Ghetto Gospel song. Medical personnel thought, that this old man was the Messiah and the papers were banging on the door, morning and night to interview him. All hospital staff were idolaters and had to be anathematized for trying to worship this old reptiloid. He draws his power from lightning, smelly old man. My ward buddy was still quite lively, that young go-getter. He was visited by mobsters from the Italian mafia and offered him to become a kidney donor in exchange for a small pikines dog. James was the name of this old junk. Roommate, who constantly stole my huge amounts of drugs and tangerines, which were brought to me by my grandmother always tried to make a sly grin - as if it wasn't him. Once, James ate my hospital breakfast - porridge with raisins, while I was sleeping. For a month, James stole my breakfast, lunch, and dinner while I slept. I got tired of it and I profusely shat under his pillow, after which lovely old man died in his sleep and my health began to improve. In the morning some two Arabs came to take his body for burial, but the dead old guy was too fat and they could not get him out throught the doorway, so they decided to get him out, throught the window without anybody noticing. The ward was on the eighth floor and these two strange Arabs threw the body out the window, then, they themselves went out the window and fell down like cucumbers. At that moment I sensed that something like the third eye revealed in me, I felt like I heard the crying voices of hungry African children, I felt like I heard the cries of George Bush from hell and I felt like I was sitting at the Last Supper with Jesus. Suddenly I heard the sound of ringing coins, as if I was standing at a slot machine in Las Vegas and then my whole body would start to shake, potato skins made my kind of gassy, but suddenly the insanity stopped when I realized that I can see through the wall. Behind the wall, a nurse sat on the toilet, reading x-Men comics. Two days later I was discharged from the hospital and with the gift of clairvoyance I went to the railway station to a bar to have a drink.

 I walked past the cemetery and slowly felt as if a swarm of flies flew into my anus, I heard an otherworldly voice calling to the cemetery. I went to the cemetery and saw a looted grave, next to which stood someone's spirit. The Ghost asked me to clean up the grave and said that Lara Croft came to see him. I began to dive into the spirit world and started a conversation with the ghost. It turned out that the ghost is a gay man killed by Mexican bikers. He was kidnapped, drugged with crack, and left to die in the desert. I asked the ghost for cheats for the World of Warcraft game, I was interested in the items dupe and the mode of walking through the walls. The gay spirit only told me that it was better to put Energizer batteries into an electronic strapon and suddenly disappeared. I cleaned up the grave and left. On the way to the bar, I met a man with a bucket on his head, I felt as if I could look inside him and saw that he had an ebola. He gave me a high five and got into a Jeep Wrangler. When I went into the bar, I smelled a pungent, sharp smell of shit and felt that it was peas mixed with beer. And so it turned out: a bald man with a long mustache came out of the toilet and was pale as death, he was not well. I went up to him and told him to take off his pants and get on his knees. He took off his pants and knelt. I put my hand on his forehead and said that I knighted him and that the attack of diarrhea would pass. It was visible, as my energy of thought force entered him and he felt better, he fell to the floor and froth flowed from his mouth. I heard that someone was calling the police, went to the bartender and asked for a soda. Five minutes later, a man in a straw hat with a fire extinguisher ran into the bar and he was very aggressive. I went up to him and told him to get on his knees and take off his hat. He took off his hat and sat on his knees. I put my hand on his forehead and said that from now on he is - sir. Suddenly I heard that the spirit of Abraham Lincoln was talking to me, I started to feel indecently puffy and I saw the bartender through a haze who said to pay five dollars for a soda. I wanted to order another glass of soda, but the bartender said, that the bar was being quarantined due to an outbreak of the Corona Virus.

Recently, different spirits haven’t been seen so often to me, since I went into religion and make myself an enema from Wiskas. Most of the time I hallucinated about ants and different guests. I call them uninvited guests, almost always these "guests" were very unpleasant, they caused me fear, rejection or hatred. And now, I sell the drugs that keep you people from seeing dragons at night. Most of all I hated the bald man who came to me several times. This man stood right in front of me. He was very short, too skinny for his suit, old trousers were high and tightly tightened with a belt. The man had a nose like a boiled potato, his bald head was shining, and only his temples were covered with ash-colored hair. It cast a shadow and looked as real as all the people around me. I thought that this guy would probably ask to share a cigarette, but he silently put his hands behind his back and, like a magician from a cheap circus, took out a dirty pair of underpants from somewhere and spread them out in front of my face, and then threw them at me. my right arm was covered in spots. Underpants smelled like rotten eggs, urine, shit, carrion. All the most disgusting odors that exist. When I got close to him, I almost throw up, barely restrained. I shouted that someone would take off these underpants from me, and at that moment I realized that there were no underpants and there was no bald man, and I was just fighting in a panic in the middle of the store in front of dozens of people. I grabbed strawberry condoms from the counter and ran away. When I got home I turned on cartoons about Mickey Mouse and fell asleep. The next day I went to church. When I walked into the church - I had this insight that the woman who sits next to me will be my wife. But it was not a woman but the figure of the virgin Mary. I drank consecrated church water and I felt better,I felt some warmth. In the evening I majestically took a big dump and the next day I got out of bed happy and found out that there’s a goose virus epidemic in the World. I haven't seen a visions in a long time because I wear a chemical protection suit. I will call you as soon as things settle, okay?

People! If you want, then lend me some money please, or give it free of charge. To build the ark and bait the Valkyries.

Thank you! Follow up the news and prepare the money!:D

Cirque du Soleil

I believe in God and in steel Arnie, but Arnie tricked me and the machines did not come to power. Reptilians came to power, and pharmaceutical companies are creating bio-weapons. Yesterday I decided to add some MDMA tablets to my porridge, but I forgot the stash where I hide them. Suddenly I felt some moisture in my underpants and went to the toilet to see what it could be. It turns out, that I forgot to pull out Tampax tampons, I stuck them into my colon, so that colored pencils doesn't accidentally wont get in my back hole. Sometimes I wake up at night and walk around the house like a sleepwalker, take two colored pencils and eat jam with them like Chinese chopsticks. In the toilet I have a book “Anal drillers”, which was written by Einstein and I remembered, that I stick tea bags containing MDMA tablets to the sheets of this book with out no distractions. I still decided not to sponsor dirty Gypsy dealers and switch to natural substances. Yesterday I smoked dried manure, just made a joint out of it and smoked it. Imagine, that you are squat in the bushes to take a shit and germs are hanging around and voila - you have contracted gonorrhea. Me and I, in general, never and absolutely do not sit on the toilet in public toilets. I always carry my soft and leather toilet seat in an IKEA bag and if I need to poop in a public toilet I attach it to the toilet. And in stores? What, no germs? I was walking through the store and saw, that some old cunt was pawing with her dirty hands sweet cheeses. Take one, look and put it back on the shelf , take another, rub it with her dirty hands and put it in the basket. This is where the Corona Virus originated, not from a Chinese bazaar. Plus the fucking marketing worked too - If you take three, you get one for free. There are many theories about coronavirus and its creation, here are just a few of them: the United States Government, Bill Gates, 5G Internet, the Chinese Government, the Canadian Government, the October 2019 meteorite explosion, Chinese woman and bat soup, Corona Beer. Please don't touch old Bill. He suffered enough, when he accidentally left a flash drive with the Windows 95 source code on the table in McDonalds and some bum, who found this flash drive created Windows 10 on it's base. The virus mows down the health of people , today I was walking around the city and saw a victim of infection with the virus.

Have you noticed that in Europe, things are very fucked up with medicine and medicines? Italian pharmacy: "No. Must not. I understand that you have a toothache. But all only through the recipe. Yes, even dental drops. Go to your doctor and get a prescription." Creepy bureaucracy. The population is 60 million, sick - 17 thousand. Vietnamese pharmacy: "Does it hurt?" Take this. Good, Yes. And take this. An excellent analog. And take this. Better than the first two. Well, you never know, maybe the first ones won't help. Yes, do not worry - your entire package of medicines for 5 dollars just pulled." A population of 100 million . There are less than a hundred cases. Europeans are not trained bitches. All the values of Europe are in the behemoth's ass, in connection with the epidemic - all borders, airports are closed, and most importantly, no one inside the Union helps anyone. There, only Russia sent transport planes with medicines and equipment to help Italy. Meanwhile, some moron from a German newspaper wrote, that these are military aircraft and Italy, as a member of NATO, had no right to host them. Are you fucking serious? THESE ARE TRANSPORT PLANES. In general, the most vulnerable to the virus are the elderly, it is difficult to keep track of them: either they will slash someone, then, they will summon the devil, otherwise they will be abducted by aliens - you will not find them later in the day with fire. Of course, the best option is to completely isolate them from any contacts with the outside world in order to exclude the possibility of virus infection, close them in a wooden shed, give matches and a can of gasoline, and then go to play Skyrim on the PlayStation console with a clear conscience. This is what Prince Charles wanted to do with his mother, but she outplayed him and won a strip poker game with Angela Merkel. Did you see his fingernails? Did you see his hellish grin? Look at these claws (yes, yes, these are his claws) and at his sly grin!!! He's just waiting to usurp the throne and force people to buy air in IKEA bags. I have nothing against Prince Charles, bow to his feet, but fuck! Let him sit in the castle, play the Farmer Simulator on the Xbox and not spread parasites (if you didn't know, he has an itch in his anus and his heel has a temperature of 39 degrees Celsius).Of course, the Corona Virus is a new challenge for all of humanity, a test of endurance. As mentioned earlier, the virus did not originate from monkeys or fish, which are kickin by hucksters from the Shao Lin monastery. The virus has a synthetic origin, that is, it was created under artificial conditions by a humanoid or an vile midget, which was angry at the whole World, because Pamela Anderson did not give it to him. This version was told to me yesterday by my grandfather, who works as a cook on a atomic icebreaker.

In general, the situation is difficult, meanwhile, brokers masturbate on oil quotes at the Wall Street financial market. By the way, this does not have to be done in public, you can enter Pornhub at home in a quiet environment and do all the necessary things. By the way, Internet porn providers have opened a free view of premium content in connection with the Corona Virus, oh yes, I forgot to add - for all victims. Did you notice that when all the trouble with the virus started in China, everyone was laughing. And now, when the virus has declined in China - in Europe people from the virus fall like mowed logs, right on the street and it's not funny anymore. Look at the happy face of the lottery winner, arranged by a network of funeral homes in the state of Nevada. The tears in eyes are sincere, after all 1250 dollars in hands, that relatives would have to pay for the cremation of the body. And so, everything will be covered by the won certificate. Anyway, viruses are somehow not original. Could lubricate all the rubber dicks in sex shops with the urine of a rabid monkey and sell them to various bitches. The foregoing is one of the conspiracy theory, do not to take things personally. In these current difficult conditions, even those, who use drugs are suffer 2 - there are not enough syringes. In connection with the virus, syringes must be stocked in large quantities in the stash to make the best possible use of them when a heroin withdrawal dancing with the moon, probably soon there will be a shortage of these products. You can look at three things for a long time: how quarantine is transferred, how US foreign debt grows, and fresh Arab macabre. I advise you to get the drawings of the New Ark that your grandfathers designed and start building it. Save yourself in prayer, can a flying comet be a sign? Apply Kaizen, and walk in respirator. Write fresh comments about how you are going through the quarantine and don't get sick muthaphuckkas.

Thank you for attention, follow up the news!

Old Memoriz

When I was 6 years old, in 1992 my grandmother fell ill with multiple sclerosis. That was the diagnosis, almost a year after the onset of the disease. At first, no one could understand, why this healthy, explosive as dynamite, full of life woman, 70 years old, fell ill (couldn’t walk, couldn’t turn over on her own) and lost weight up to 128 kg. The doctors questioned the following diseases: cardiac ischemia, migraine, stroke and a bunch of different afflictions, then she was sent to the regional center - Miami Beach. There she became worse and worse, fed through a tube, survived a clinical death.And at that moment, my cousins came to us with a gift - COFFIN. "Well, you'll need it soon", they said. Dad kicked them out with a pissed broom. Grandma barely made it out alive at that moment. On the airship, she was sent to Kingston, where she underwent marijuana therapy and was correctly diagnosed and prescribed a hormone drug - prednisone.She lived another 12 years ,not to say that a full- fledged, but quite normal life. Dad was always with her, all 12 years. When she couldn't walk, he turned her over so that there were no bedsores. Almost a year he spent with her in the hospital, fed, washed, dressed, sobbed as beluga in the corridors of the hospital, but so that she would not hear.

This is, in my opinion, true love and sacrifice in its purest form. I love and respect him very much.

Guatemalan whorehouse

To survive the harsh European winter, I went to work in Guatemala, and to relax at the same time. I'm really tired of already walking in a fur coat and lying in the hospital with a concussion, due to the fact that the public utilities did not properly clean off the snow on the roof of houses and damned blocks of ice fall on people, drop out of the sky. Mr. Incredible and the bomb both fall onto a rooftop, where the bomb detonates harmlessly as Bomb Voyage appears in a helicopter, but thank God the yellow snow season is over. I know that your house has burned down and now you are sitting in a tank, hide from the Corona Virus and want to poop. Now you hide like a scared deer. Many people probably didn't understand me, what I meant by the word "yellow snow". This concept came from mother Russia, when drunken junkies piss on the snowdrift, then the snow becomes yellow, because the patient's urine is yellow. It's a well-known fact, urine stops a jellyfish sting hurting so much. That's why a lot of people call such a quirky things "yellow colored" snow. Okay, simpleton? A friend of mine, who likes to play golf and eliminate snails with a golf club offered me a job as a security guard in a Guatemalan brothel. Jayna and I will take the other half and get the golf clubs and violin. In order to earn power, money, and fame, I agreed. I arrived in Guatemala on a rubber boat as a refugee from Syria and immediately asked for political protection from the repression of Saddam Hussein and the minions of african Mormons. I was immediately thrown into jail like a potato, but two days later I was released, because my lawyer bailed me out after paying an amount of - two boxes of bananas. Well, I shared a cell with a very strange chinaman and two rabbis, who scammed chinaman for money, selling him a Torah wrapped in rags, but instead of the Torah there were Mickey Mouse comics. Chinaman, who earlier denied involvement, was pecking a calculator like a woodpecker to compute the amount of money they will charge on the cocoa to be smuggled. So he noticed tricks of gypsies, they were dressed as greedy rabbis and were obsessed by cheap, meaningless thrills, lechery, gluttony and up on cash. Chinaman took off the hat of the disgusting gypsy, dressed as a rabbi and pissed into it and they were all tied up by the police, because law enforcement officers thought, that these people were holding an uncontrollable rally in support of gays. God saved El Chapo, and God should be praised for that mercy. As soon as I reached the capital of Guatemala, I went to the house that my friend mentioned, he plays golf.

The brothel was a basement on the outskirts of the city. Three rooms in the basement were separated by curtains. Each had two or three seats. This can be opened if you have a small amount of money and familiar cops - you can open a brothel, quickly build up capital and go into another business. This brothel was promoted due to the fact, that an old students were advertising sheets around the district. The mistress of the brothel was an old womana, who used to work as a cook on an atomic icebreaker. She knew all cops in the district, so I think her past connections worked here very well. I knew the cop, who went for the dough. The entire police department, and even ordinary people in the district, knew that there was a brothel in this place. Sometimes cops themselves came as clients. They were served by girls free of charge. I heard that the cops were paid about $ 50,000 a month for patronage, but how true is this, I don't know. At work, I did absolutely nothing, only met and escorted guests. It was hard to read books there - screams, moans, loud music. The most ideal is to play Tetris and sit in social networks. In order not to be bored, my colleague and I brought gym equipment. We found a sports equipment store that was closing, and bought sports equipment there. We had a barbell, horizontal bar, bars, dumbbells, weights. I ate, slept, rocked, and hung out on my phone. Conflicts with clients were resolved in words or with the help of guns. You could get a gun and politely ask the person to leave. Sometimes there was enough to use a gas spray. The main clientele in the consolation house is - workers, sometimes different politicians came. Also niggaz, arabs, russians, chinese, and latinos came over here. After the client is admitted, they are placed on the church guest bench. Free girls come out - this is called a show. He chooses. He takes the girl he likes and takes her to the room. Starting price is 500 dollars. For this price, client receives a blowjob, two contacts and a relaxing massage. Anal sex is for an extra charge. Prostitutes are different - asian, black, russian. Also different configuration - fat and skinny. One employee of our institution did not have a left leg, but for some reason she was in great demand. She was a good swimmer in her young days. By the way, sex-employeers bought condoms at their own expense and generally banged only in them. This is a prerequisite. Clients sometimes tried to remove the elastic band, but then, I or an administrator interfered with the situation and scolded him, often I used force and threw the naked client out of the brothel. Interestingly, but arab women are not taken into this business. There are a lot of people among the arabs, who don't like the fact that arab women are engaged in prostitution. They can come to a brothel, cause a riot, cause physical harm to someone, take an arab woman to the forest and kill her there. All the girls go to the brothel voluntarily. Now it is not profitable to kidnap and force anyone. This is a particularly serious article, and why force someone if there are people willing to voluntarily engage in prostitution?

Once, in our comfort house of consolations was an armed assault by fucked-up thugs. Regular clients came. Two rang the bell, three hid around the corner. I wasn't there then, there was my colleague Hans. He saw familiar people through the peephole, thought that everything was normal and opened the door. He was immediately kicked off his feet and rolled down the stairs. Those who hid took off. They had baseball bats. One of them has a pneumatic gun. They beat the shift guy, dragged him into a brothel, and started beating everyone there. A tablet and money were taken from the shift. They robbed black women, turned over the entire brothel. They took the cash register. The administrator hid in the toilet, but the door was knocked out, she was pulled out of the toilet and raped in addition. Hans the guard was also wanted to be raped. After that, a policeman entered the brothel. He came not because of an armed assault, but for his dough share.They saw him, drove him away, and when they caught up with him, they beat him with bats and shot from the pneumatics. They took ipad and two iphones and a gold chain. The thug raiders promised to return. They wanted to work a protection racket on their behalf. After that, I and the other guards decided to punish them. I went to a brothel and took with me a traumatic gun, a hunting rifle, knives, tear gas canisters. We decided to wait for the raiders to return. Barack Obama chews a bunch of Clinton's trimmed nails, while he cunnilingus Monica. As a result, two raiders came, and we recognized one of them. He was dressed in a jacket and torn underpants and the other was in tattered leggings and he had the stinking fumes of ebola coming out of the back hole. No, no, sorry, I got it wrong. This was the local master of sports in karate, who shoved a live eel before the competitions into the depths of his anus, for good luck. Unfortunately, the competition did not take place then, as his rival - the champion of Botswana in tango dancing thundered into the jail, because he committed an armed robbery of a pet store. He took a pack of dog food and two cans of canned food for cats as hostages. His demands were - a bag of money, a helicopter and to release all prisoners in Guantanamo prison. As a result, I began to beat one raider with a metal stock, began a fuss, my partner shot the detainees in the legs. Oh, I forgot to say, that these raiders brought a sweet roll with them. We advised the second guy, who was in tattered leggings to wait for the night and let him go. The second stayed with us. We held him hostage while shifted guys were looking for other raiders. In total, we kept them for about 20 hours. During this time, we tried to pull bullets out of their legs, but we did not succeed. The whores called their friend's doctor. But he couldn't get the bullets out either. They urged them to go to a hospital on the other side of town. The next night, we were detained by police - the one, which we let go, came to the relatives of his friend. When they found out that we were keeping him in a brothel, they leaked us to the cops. I served two months. Those, who made the armed assault are still sitting. I didn’t really like whores in a brothel, I even disdained them, but once, I ate pistachios, which one whore shared with me. Those who engage in such activities as these - are gradually degraded. They drink, they use drugs. We found syringes in the brothel. I don't think it's normal to sell your body, but I believe, that everyone has the right to do so. I understand why this whole prostitution thing is happening. I don't blame the girls. This is the fault of the surrounding reality. After a short time I returned to Europe, I did not earn much. I only had enough money for a single room in a hotel of Buchenwald.

 Thank you my dear for listening, follow up the news.

Dirty Bobby

Hello dear readers!
We received a letter to our editorial office, calling for help. We will publish this letter (punctuation observed) here. We have hired the best psychologist from the city of Baghdad, who will give advice to this poor man in a difficult life situation.

"I have been married for a long time, I have children. My family knows nothing about how I make money. I started escorting 12 years ago when I felt dissatisfaction. There were many interesting things that I wanted to try in sex. I like to wear lingerie. I can’t show it at home. My wife is a modest, country woman. She does not need any additional options in sex, she is very correct, she never even asked me to do cunnilingus for her. We can say that she is a plus, and I am a minus, but I love her very much, and she loves me. I wanted to realize my fantasies and gradually I came to the thought of sex work. I advertise on different dating sites and saw that people were primarily interested in me as a sex partner, they wrote me daily love letters. Over time, the hobby became quite a full-time job. I'm not gay at all, I can't even call myself bi. I don’t want men at all. But I have to serve not only women, but also men, especially when a couple calls me. I can be “lower,” but not “upper,” and I warn passive gays that they have nothing to catch with me. At first I perceived sex with men as a cost of production, but I can endure it, and sometimes I even like it."

An opinion from a psychologist:

"This is a very dangerous job: either a prostitute will be killed, or a gay will be hanged. I will whip your head boy! I think you should pray to the Holy Apostles and not take any more dick in your ass. Sodomy was popular in the cities of Sodom and Gamora, but since the days when a nuclear warhead was launched there, there seemed to be a lull. You must understand that you are a fucking adulterer, which has no mercy. There is a way out of this situation - to lament and shit in the plane, open the hatch and jump out. As the great Freud said - thank you, thumbs up and the ku Klux Klan."

Year of Confederations

I want to welcome all of you, professionals, amateurs alike, lovers of anal slavery and protectors of terror to the 12th Nobel's Open Championship! Faint of heart, please, do not read further. The story happened on the New Year holidays. The ambulance delivered a young woman to the hospital. Lying on a gurney. I notice, that she looked completely dying. After collecting the anamnesis, it becomes clear that a nuisance happened to her on New Year's holidays - after three days of festivities. Being drunk, the patient with her husband decided to diversify her sex life. To the direct questions of what exactly happened, the lady did not answer for a long time - she showed everyone the middle finger, and with undisguised shame led her eyes to the floor. When the "picture" became clear, they began to prepare this woman for surgery - they placed a peripheral catheter and started infusion therapy (infusion through a dropper of saline solution). Since the patient is young, and in order to maintain her psychological health, it was decided to give her "general" anesthesia. Soon, surgeons begin the operation: expand the anal canal with a rectal retractor, and remove from the patient’s rectum ... a stick of turkey sausage! Fortunately for our lady - this stick is wide but not very long. To be honest, I have no idea for what exactly provoked this beautiful couple to such experiments What am I, a fucking dentist? However, the fact remains - the "whip" came off, and the snack remained inside the person. The spouses could not extract it themselves and appealed to the Government for protection. The operation was successful. The patient quickly regained consciousness. A week later, she went to the emergency room of proctologists. "Thank you?" You might think, but no. She began to demand a sausage stick back - "Bring it back!". And that’s it. What does she need that sausage for? Their history is silent. I would like to greet you and thank you for visiting our site. In conclusion, allow me to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Stay in touch with us. The new season is comming, this story never ends, of course, if the Indians wont steal my slop pail with stories.

Thank you for attention, follow up the news and prepare the money!:D

After winter coma

Dear hot mamas and pimp daddies, it's time to clean up huge amounts of shit after a hard winter, it was after last winter, durring which a combat panda, which escaped from a circus and raped an old grandpa from the Cocker's family.
The fact is that, he sat in the closet peeing into the laundry basket, because he was hiding from his wife, who loved role-playing in a BDSM costume, but old grandpa rather loved to hard core fuck vietnam war cripples from nursing home. I'm not a fan of violence, but I always love to watch videos when a nigga approaches to elderly asian women and roundhouse kicks her in the head. The services responsible were run off their feet searching for that malefactor. Once on the parking lot, this black dick decided to knock out a woman in a paranja, he approached her and she activated the belt of the martyr, and at that moment we lost the future NBA star. Actually I don't like when some cock suckers hurt women, better hammer those emo, dirty punks and lesbians. By the way, emo has disappeared for a long time, they have not been seen for a long time and in the meantime, the Gillette company has earned a lot of money for them. After all, the culture of emo is to cry and commit suicide, slit own wrists with a razor. At the beginning of the article, I began to talk about shit, and the topic slipped to the bottom, like the dollar rate. If you do not know how the dollar will react to my topic developments, then join the Taliban and build a wall on the border with Mexico. I wrote my proposal to the Washington Post newspaper to move the Great Chinese Wall to the border with Mexico in order to save money, but my proposal brutally brought down the yuan and Mao Ze Dong asked to bring him clean socks with Iron Maiden print on them. In fact, this idea was suggested to me by a friend of my grandmother's - the Emperor of Jamaica Abraham Rosenberg. The man who was just released from the mental institution, he wants to give you a drug overdose, then sick a metal rod into your head and put you naked into a rusty tank of water. Politics is a tricky business, it's hard to understand, who is a fag and who isn't. No fucking way you'll know who you are banging. Although everything is clear - Prince Charles fucks herd of sheep and spin the bottle with Elton John's husband. In one of the articles I mentioned Prince Charles, well, excuse me, Tony Blair, is his brother? Lets compare them .Tony Blair has such a facial expression, as if he had sucked Bush Jr.'s cock for 8 years, and Prince Charles's face is as if he had craped his pant two days ago and forgot about it. What kind of guy, without a drug or alcohol problem looks this way? For example, I celebrate the independence of Papua New Guinea every day and swallow drug baloons, but my look is full of expression.I wanna poke out your fucking eyes with my dick, stupid fuck. To be honest, I have nothing against these monkeys, but gentlemen, please, control your self, goddammit! Okay, let's not talk about horse dung, because look, how many good topics are on the agenda. Not so long ago, defined a prominent upward trend -  to poison all sorts of dudes with nuclear powder, in order to blame Russia and tsar Putin personally for all troubles. Know that in Russia they poison only with vodka that is what bears do it, not special services. It is first. And secondly, damn, for example, in England stores are just selling non quality yogurt, which are smuggled from Romania and people just eat this yogurt and get poisoned like cockroaches and different special services say, that this is some kind of mysterious nuclear powder. I like to drink champagne from my basset hound ass, I also like to throw darts in the portrait of Obama's ugly mug. By the way, I can offer you something that you cannot refuse - to play the game, the rules are here. I advise you to turn off porn movies with animals before this and put on a protective helmet, good luck.

The World is changing, wars are passing, aborigines are born, aborigines are dying, have you ever gone to a solarium? This topic is close to me, as I worked as an administrator in the Solarium, as well as an intimate assistant of hairdresser somewhere for two weeks. The hairdresser was an old man, about 70 years old and bunch of stinking men came to him to make a hair. Old hairdresser cut customer's feet,vegetation near their genitals and around ass. One day a certain eccentric came to the salon, introduced himself as Steven Seagal and asked to cut his hair in the area of his dick and in the same area he wanted to make a pattern in the form of the face of Bill Clinton. "Any whims for your money" said the hairdresser and began to lick own mouth. An old pervert asked me to put a gag in the client's mouth (the tank shall be closed in such a way that no leakage of gas occurs) and hold his hands so that our client wouldn't twitch and also took a dildo and then, radical pervert jumped out the window. I stayed alone with the client and was a little confused, I suggested Steven to sunbathe in the solarium, he did not refuse and lay down in it. After a while I ran a super high fever due to drug breaking. I did not have a methamphetamine with me and I began to rummage in the pockets of the client's pants, which was sunbathing, to find some pills. In the pockets I found anal beads and a laxative and then I remembered that this day is the anniversary of the death of my hamster and I decided to go to the cemetery and lay flowers on the grave. Two hours later, I reached the cemetery and saw a funeral procession, it turns out that some kind of an old conductor died and was decided to bury him. I saw how the coffin with the dead was taken out of the hearse and carried somewhere, but all of a sudden people who wore black clothes and were carrying a coffin have droped it and cadaver have rolled out while still holding his old saxophone in his dead hands. I was so scared that I ran away. When I came home, I remembered that the client is still sunbathing in the solarium, if you know what happened to him write in the comments. I no longer worked in this beauty salon. I just don't have any luck with normal work, but money must be earned and I decided to go for the trick. I asked my neighbor to shoot me in the knee and after that the state would start paying me a disability allowance. This idea seemed grandiose to me, but unfortunately the neighbor did not have a gun, because he was a dirty and old pervert, the curator of local bums. He gave them a creepy task to shit in a bags and throw them off the bridge to the driving cars. The neighbor also had a wife - a goat from a barn, and a lot of children - inflatable dolls of Asian children. If you know how to save these children - write in the comments. Did I tell you that I live on an old submarine? Yes it's true. I tell this to psychiatrists at the medical board, to be recognized as insane and the state might start to pay me allowance. What the fuck, do you think I'm nutty? Of course, I live in an ordinary wooden house, just feel like on a submarine and I'm headed on a bearing at a speed of 10 knots. I like to piss in a bucket, then pour a contents onto the floor and announce the alarm on the entire submarine. I have to take a mop and polish the floor to a shine, then I put on the welder's glasses and try to repel the attack of the Indians, who are all up in line to get on my submarine, they keep popping like fleas. Did I tell you that I'm an honorary zoologist? Not so long ago, I was driving my van and accidentally squished a pigeon like he was a pile of turd, which was glued to the asphalt, and I shoveled up the pieces, I studied them, then I placed them at the entrance to McDonald's and ran away. Did I tell you that I am a distinguished biologist and developer of GMO products? I take a tomato seed and put it into my drawers, it's dry and warm there. I take a rake and start to plow the garden in my drawers and do it while my dick erect. I also want to put an egg into my drawers to hold it a little bit there to make a chicken, it's dry and warm there. And remember, the result is everything! Write in the comments what you think about GMO products. The Japanese are very smart people, because they eat a lot of fish. I also love fish, but I don’t eat it, but watch as it blows bubbles underwater, also, like a farting mammoth with alzheimer's syndrome. Some Japanese shit soap bubbles too. Sorry, please, that I write such nonsense. Okay, what's on our agenda?

Not so long ago, I rested in a bar and saw something interesting, I don’t know whether to tell you or not. I'm still scared and I always turn around to find out if I'm under surveillance right now. At the bar, the dude, who was a local bartender turned out to be a marmon, which took a smoked chicken, poured alcohol into its back hole and shook it to make a cocktail. Probably, in the inside of smoked chicken stuck headset Google Glass, which filmed everything that happens on video and it was all broadcast live in the press center of the White House.A moment later, the bartender took off his hat, poured alcohol and pissed inside, then he immediately put the hat back on his head. I wanted to ask this motherfucker for a cocktail recipe, that he was masterfully making in his hat, but I got scared, puked twice on the pool table and ran away. What have you done good there lately? For example, I read an encyclopedia about the time of Columbus and learned that in those old days there were many treasures hidden. I always thought that Columbus is a dump truck brand, well, never mind.So, I went to the local library to read the encyclopedia where Columbus had buried his treasures in order to try and dig out his chest. Unfortunately, while I was going , the library was burned to the ground, since some group of rastas tore pages from the books in order to wrap an excellent joint for themselves and set the fire inside. I peed on the ashes and remembered that I have a shovel, as well I remembered that little groups of bums have a great antiques things, that have been found for many years arrive at the dump. I took a shovel from the house and went to look for a bum to follow him in stealh mode. In a city park, I saw a bum lying on a bench, he was like a big and stinking piece of shit, even flies were swarming around him, but weren't able to land and when some brave fly tried, it's intentions corroded to the point, when it fell down breathless. I was very impatient to wash his butt and to dig up antique things and I decided to dig at a bench where the bum lay. I started digging and immediately dug up used Huggies diapers, the urge to find something valuable overwhelmed me, the excitement was in me. In a moment I dug a sock in which a dildo was wrapped, I was in a passion and I started to dig further. After an hour of digging, I found a German soldier's helmet from the World War II and another used Huggies diaper. I lost hope to find antique things and decided to teach a lesson to the impudent bum. I took off his trausers, put it on my head and went to the synagogue to pray. Maybe there are antique things in the synagogue and it is worth digging there? If you know something, please write in the comments. In fact, I try to masturbate less and give myself to faith in God, I hope that All Mighty will hear my prayers and help me. Donate me please a little money for food and for the payment of the account on Pornhub. No, but text me if you find my crack pipe. Did you know that I am a tough fighter with overweight? I'm an innovator in this case and I patented my methods in Silicon Valley, so don't fucking lie that you've known this method for a long time. I had a neighbor, he weighed two centners, just a huge bag of shit and he consulted with me how to lose weight. I advised him to fill his mouth with stones and jump into the river and do so twice a day, poor old wobbly head. He filled his mouth with stones and jumped into the river, but for some reason did not come out of the water. I had throw a brick in that presize spot he have jumped, in just to make sure and then I went home to sleep. Year later, first thing that I saw, which come out of the water was that fat loser's trausers with brown stains on it. I put his trausers on my head and went to the synagogue to pray. Once when I was walking in a city park, I was very impatient to shit and hid in the bushes. Fuck, I swear I prayed that there were no constipation and them were no. Damn, I lost my mind and forgot to tell you something important. Oh, I remembered. Your humble servant hid in the bushes, but was discovered by the security forces and beaten with their rifle buts. For the violation of law and order, I spent a day in prison with some homeless person, a homeless dude which had real urine stains on his pants. I took his pants by force and put them on my head, they let me out of the detention center and I went to the synagogue to pray. Did you know that a man who doesn't have a hand can't be arrested? It is not possible. You just can't handcuff him. Understand the thought? Please spread this thesis and mention my name. These are the pink crocodiles for today.

Thank you my dear readers for coming with me through all the serious ones, I love you and please answer me with love too. Soon! Soon you will be able to see something great and learn a lot about your humble servant.

Thank you for attention, follow up the news!

You rockin with the best. Part 2

You rockin with the best. Part 1